Grief. It comes to all of us…sooner or later. Grieving. We all will have to grieve someone or something…sooner or later.
Yesterday (Saturday), I conducted the memorial service for the husband of a friend. It was only six months ago that I sat at their table planning a similar service for her brother-in-law. And she has had another death to grieve as well. It was the first service in many, many years that I found myself quaking, not from nerves, but in sharing the grief with all attending. It was the first time that I can remember that when I walked out of the chapel I had to make a quick exit to gain back my own composure.
Grief is about letting go.
Last night, my daughter, Sarah, walked into the living room and howled that her friend, Ryan, had been struck by a truck and killed during the day. He was only just starting his life. He had just moved hundred of kilometres away from his family and his girlfriend, to work in Alberta and earn some good income. As she left to go and be with her friends I found myself once again losing that composure.
Grief is about letting go.
This week I realized two of my own dreams were gone. One I have shared already on Wednesday, Bankruptcy? Insolvency? So Weary…. The second ‘loss’ was that of a future I thought was working its way out. The loss of faith in friends I thought I had made; trust gained, but not.
Grief is about letting go.
It’s not been the brightest of weeks. Nope! With regards to Wednesday’s blog, I will NOT be going into bankruptcy. That is good news. I will be doing the consumer proposal I was hoping for. But it will be about another 50 days before I know for sure that my creditors accept my proposal. My Trustee feels quite positive. But it marks a new walk of grief for me, the loss of my credit for a time to come. I have struggled with this process because for me it’s a thing of integrity. But I keep reminding myself integrity is not only about honesty or truth. It’s also about admitting our weakness and working to clean up any collateral damage.
With regards to the loss of faith in friends, I have adopted the philosophy in recent years, that friends are like the tides, they ebb and flow. If the tides pulls out too far then all changes. If it is only a partial tide, then hopefully something will return to normal, whatever normal is! But no matter what the tide does, the seascape changes…forever. Sometimes for the best, sometimes it seems not.
I have also grown in the last few years to know with certainty that even when times seem perplexing, it will pass.
For my friend, she entered into a grief process a few weeks ago when she found out that her beloved had terminal cancer. But her grief journey has only really begun. The one good thing in it all is that she is surrounded by such wonderful people who are there for her and will continue to be there for her.
For my daughter, her friends, his family, grief is just beginning. That sickness of stomach, heaviness of spirit, pain of loss that causes an instant vacuum for a time. For her, the death and loss of yet another friend so young takes away more of that innocence of youth.
My hope and prayer for all of us is that as the tide comes back in, again and again, and until some semblance of the pain is gone, that we all will not become more jaded or that much more cynical of life, of the Universe.
Grief is about letting go.
It seems for me that the last four years has been a constant letting go.
For my daughter it seems so unfair and is hard for this Dad, that her life, so young, has to be punctuated with this and other grief these days.
For her friend’s parents it seems that this letting go is so unnatural because no parent is supposed to outlive their child.
For my friend it seems that she had to let go all too soon, all too quickly, all so inexplicably, almost unnecessarily from what I understand.
Grief is about letting go.
My Truth: Yes, grief is about letting go. But when it seems as though there is so little to hold on to, when does receiving again start? I know it will for I have learned this in my 50 years. Grief: Denial, Anger,Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. If you are grieving someone or something today, take a look at where in this cycle you are. Allow yourself to be there. Allow yourself to progress (not necessarily in that order). Be kind; be gentle…to yourself. You deserve it.
Grief is About Letting Go...
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