Forgive But DON'T Forget!

I can remember when I was going through the depths of my marriage breakdown I saw a wonderful energy healer. She could sense my pain even before I came through the door. I can remember crying through several sessions with her, even a few months later after I’d tried everything to save the doomed marriage and finally chose to leave for my own safety and wellbeing. She taught me that it was so important to forgive and to release all the hurt and non-beneficial energies, feelings and associations. She also had seen a lot of pain in her life and told me in great wisdom after I chose to leave, that I could still care, love, forgive a person (specifically my ex-spouse) but that forgiving is NOT about forgetting. It’s about releasing the pain associated with love and forgiveness back to the Universe for complete healing. But I didn’t need to stay or hang out. Nor did I need to stay or hang out with the memories, pain or non-beneficial energies.

Well it’s been three years since I first saw Nina. I am so grateful for her life and the lessons she has learned so that she could be there and teach me as well. Neither one of us really would have chosen (in our present states) to go through such pain in our lives. But if you truly are a Universal Spiritual person you know that you DID choose these experiences for whatever reason. You also chose the people who would help you experience them. Knowing this and accepting this allowed me a great deal of personal power. It helped me to release blame and hatred. It helped me to replace it with Love, Light and Forgiveness.

I had a difficult time with this concept. I found myself wondering, then, if I should stay and continue this contract because it was pre-arranged. But as I grew and healed, even in that terrible time, I realized that I had met that part of our contract. It was time to move forward. It was time to release all the broken dreams, hopes and pain and move forward.

This morning I found myself pondering what I’ve been through since those days. They haven’t been easy times. In fact they’ve been downright painful and hard. And again and again, I have to release and forgive the pain and the blame I sometimes find myself cycling in. The last few days have been like that. I am still going through some of the residual longterm effects from that disaster in my life. But I believe the time is near when it will it all will reside in the past – in history – not in the present.

This morning I performed a small ceremony. I sat down and meditatively wrote out what I feel the residuals are, finance, health, loneliness. I also took time to write out my feelings of blame and bitterness. Then I finalized the writing with what my dreams and hopes are. I put down my pen and papers and meditated. I quickly released the non-beneficial pages and then dwelt on my hopes and dreams. I spent time feeling each hope and dream. I imagined and felt myself travelling to places like Hawaii (again, especially Kalani Retreat Centre), Great Britain, Italy, The Holy Land, Egypt and so many other places. I imagined and felt myself with a strong, healthier body. I imagined and felt myself with financial stability and integrity from a career I love. I imagined and felt myself with a person of integrity, who would love me, warts and all; and I him. I spent a goodly amount of time doing this.

Then I got up with my papers and went to the stove and lit them up (under the hood fan of course) and released with Love and Forgiveness all the pain and non-beneficial energy and cords. I then lit up my dreams as a commitment to myself and prayer to the Universe/God. Then I used some sage to smudge and clear all the energy. I then lit a candle (tea light actually – it’s safer to leave). The candle for me represents the Light of God that I now allow to burn and light my path, leaving all that behind.

I believe that ceremony is so important in my life and in anyone’s life actually. We have become a society that has left ritual and ceremony behind for TV, Social Media and intellect. When a person dies, we ‘get rid of it’ as quickly as possible, often refusing to do any type of ceremony. When we lose a friend or favourite keepsake we don’t take time to grieve (which is a rite in itself). When we graduate, we don’t celebrate. When we are promoted we don’t celebrate. The ceremony itself doesn’t hold any magic. It’s the doing of the ceremony that holds magic. Why? Because it’s our connection with a Higher Power, recognizing that the past is the past, today is in this moment and tomorrow…well…it’s an adventure yet to be lived. Why would I choose to carry a bolder on my back up a mountain? Let it go. Our Psyche needs it. Our Spirit needs it. Our humanity needs it.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done similar ceremony around this stuff. It may not be the last time either. I will do it as many times as it takes! Do you have something in your life that you need or desire to let go of? Then figure out a meaningful ceremony that will help you. Do you need emotional or spiritual healing from a broken relationship or lost job or some other loss? Then find a way to do that: write, burn, light a candle, pray, meditate, find a Celebrant, Pastor, Priest to help. When my divorce was finalized I went back to the park where the wedding ceremony took place. I took my witness with me. I did a ceremony and buried my wedding ring and the commitment ring I wore for years prior to the wedding. After all, I surmised, What do we usually do when someone/something dies? We bury it! It was a wonderful, tearful for all, release.

It is so important to forgive. It is so important to release all the emotion, energy, bonds connected to the pain. But it’s also important to remember that pain. Why? So that you can learn from it. Not wallow in it. And when we learn we can make choices based in that learning. For me it was to leave that painful and unsafe situation. For you????

Thank you FOR-GIVING me this situation. I have learned. I am stronger. I am softer. I AM!

Thank you Nina. Much Light and Love.

Forgive But DON'T Forget!