Take Responsibility!

 

This is not meant as an indictment. It’s just a fact of life!

Often when we have encountered a negative friend, loved one, client, whomever, we feel it’s okay to say, “You make me angry!” or “You piss me off!” or “You upset me!”

No one has the power to make you do or feel anything! I’ve said it before and I say it again, there are NO victims. I’ll qualify that with, you can be victimized. But to be a victim you are remaining in a situation that causes you pain. You chose that situation…for whatever reason. You give away your power.

I was in an abusive relationship for many years. Does that make me a victim of abuse? No! I chose to stay. I thought it could be better. I thought that things would change. I sometimes even fooled myself into thinking that things had changed. But they never did…not really.

So I am responsible for my ‘victimhood’. Now I know that’s going to rattle a few cages…good! It’s time to wake up to reality. No one can truly control you. You have two feet, walk away. You have a tongue in your head, say “stop it”. You have two good hands, call the police, friend or relative. I could go into a million reasons why I stayed. They would make a lot of sense. You may even be able to say that they are good reasons to stay. But it still comes down to choosing. It comes down to not owning my own power but giving it up to someone else.

On the other side of the coin (because coins do have two sides), not are you only responsible for your actions, so is the other party. So now I’ll shift this a bit. I have actually caused pain in others. This doesn’t take away their responsibility in how to re-act or act. It simply places on me responsibility for my actions.

I have said or done something that has caused a transfer of energy to another. They may have reacted with anger or sadness. Or they may have surprised me by reacting with love and something unexpected. They took control of their reaction to my action. Bless them! Because I needed that. But I am still responsible for my stuff. I am still responsible to clean it up.

That’s the great thing about life. We can make a terrible mess and still clean it up…even if the other party doesn’t want us to. I can recommit to being different; doing different.

It’s true. I may have been nasty because I was tired, stressed, pressed for time, or a multitude of other reasons. But I am still responsible for my stuff. Last week as I was packing boxes for our move I lost my temper because the tape wouldn’t go the way I wanted it to. I was over tired, feeling stressed and in a great deal of pain. Does that give me the right to blow up – certainly not. So in that moment I apologized to my daughter for my anger. I told her that I was stressed, over tired and in pain. She replied with, “then it’s time to stop, Dad.” She didn’t run away. She didn’t hurl abuse back at me. Because I chose to clean it up immediately she understood and forgave me. She also chose not to be a victim. And so did I.

MY TRUTH: So as I get up from this blog and get ready to go to work, I am going to remember that if I encounter a fellow worker, family member, or just regular Joe Black, I am responsible for one thing: I am responsible for my own actions…and re-actions. Yes they are responsible for their actions too. But that’s their stuff. That’s between them and God. Not me and them. It’s not my place to try to fix them by pointing out that they hurt me, because I chose to be hurt. It is my responsibility how I react. And no matter the reason it is also my responsibility how I treat others.

Take Responsibility!