Be You...Period

 

I thought this a great cartoon! It really speaks to me. I wonder if it speaks to you and what it’s saying to you? This will affect everyone differently I’m sure. But here are the thoughts that come to me…and now come from me.

I grew up with a Mum who was born and spent the first 40+ years in England. So I was subjected to various British influences. One of them being politeness. Now they say that Canadians are just polite. Brits must be polite. It was not an option for me. It was mandatory. When you think about it that’s not a bad thing really. But what it did for me was add a level of insecurity for most of my life. I was constantly apologizing for all manner of things…even if it wasn’t me, done by me or me, period!

You know how it looks and sounds. You are doing you best in the workplace and you drop a pencil and say, “Sorry about that.” Or someone bumps into you in the street and you apologize. Why is that? Is it really politeness, good manners. Actually no. It’s actually very poor manners to apologize for other people. It’s also just plain silly to apologize for unimportant ‘accidents’. I remember once having someone say in observation and frustration, “Would you stop apologizing for everything! It’s really frustrating!” I’d never looked at it quite like that. I had always supposed that apologies were meant to make things better, not worse.

I had become one of those people to whom you couldn’t say anything without mincing words. You had to be careful around me or I might apologize. Now how weird is that? So I re-trained myself. And now before I say sorry, I really think about it and ask the following questions:

• Is this my stuff? Their stuff? Or God’s  stuff? If it’s theirs or God’s, why the heck  should I apologize. This causes codependence, discomfort and totally ruins your self-confidence.


• Did I really do something meriting an apology? In other words is it really important to say sorry if I burp? Nope, perhaps an excuse me. You may argue that’s an apology. But not so much. It’s actually customary in our culture, unlike the Chinese and other Middle Eastern cultures.


• 
  If I do apologize what will the effects by? Now the list on this one can really get out of control. If it’s going to make things worse (like when someone isn’t going to accept any apology from you) then don’t do it.


• Am I really, truly, sorry?


• Am I going to change my way of being to make sure this doesn’t happen again?

The most important place that I found myself apologizing was for who I am! I’m shorter than most. I don’t have an degrees except the degree of life. I am quiet and don’t really enjoy parties.

So here it is. I’m only 5′ 6″. I’m certainly not a gym bunny. So I’m thin but not muscular. I’m a consultant without a degree, but tons of experience and intuition. I’m a guy who came out in life after marrying, starting a contradictory career trajectory, having three great kids. I am passionate. I’m a weeper. Why should I apologize for being ME? So why do you apologize for being you? I will also give credit where credit is due. I caught this new way of being after attending a very intense set of workshops put together by Landmark Education, starting with the first weekend intensive called The Landmark Forum. Now I’m not selling, recruiting or getting any commission for using their name. And I also truly believe that this particular modality/work is not for everyone. I connected quite powerfully with it and it transformed my life.

MY TRUTH: Now when I apologize I really mean it. I am committed to making changes that will affect a similar outcome next time. And….I NEVER apologize for being me. I apologize for what I do, not being.

Be You...Period