Practice The Presence: Practice Forgiveness Part 2

Last week we looked at Practicing the Presence as it related to forgiveness…forgiveness of those who’ve hurt us in some way.

This week I would like us to take a look at something about forgiveness that took me a long time to learn. Something that took me quite by surprise actually.

After my last marriage collapsed I was hurt, angry, confused. But I had long learned that you cannot truly hate someone you had spent so many years of your life truly loving. I knew that it was just not possible; at least not for me. I could be and was angry. I could be and was hurt. The fact of the matter was I was devastated. But because I still had that love inside of me I knew that I could NOT hate. So I forgave. It seemed easy enough. After all I have had a lot of opportunities throughout my life to practice forgiveness.

I have learned that all the therapy in the world, all the prayers and supplications in the world, all the support groups in the world couldn’t get me to move forward through the passage of grief unless I learned to forgive and let go of ‘stuff’ in love. So I did. A short time later I found myself in misery again. So I forgave and let go…again…and again…and again…and again. I’m sure you get the picture.

Somewhere around month ten in this process I began to really question if forgiveness really was the right thing to be doing. Why? Well, I certainly wasn’t feeling any better. I was depressed, lonely, dishevelled in my appearance, turning into a hermit. I was consumed by my grief. And yet no matter how many times I practiced forgiveness I found no peace…not lasting peace anyhow.

I turned to my journal as I often do. I asked, “Spirit, if forgiveness is the key, then why hasn’t it opened the door yet? How often must I forgive? I know the Bible says 70 times 7 and so on. But I also know that that was figurative. Why is forgiveness NOT working?”

As clear as a bell, the answer came to me, “Because James, you haven’t forgiven yourself!”

Forgiven myself? But although I chose to walk away, I wasn’t the cause of the breakdown. What do I have to forgive myself for? Then I got it! I had been calling myself foolish, stupid and worse for ever allowing myself to be dragged into a codependent state. I was constantly beating myself up for staying so long. I was belabouring myself for loving someone who could not possibly love me in return; not as long as there were addiction issues involved.

I had been told that there is no why when there are addictions. There is no logic, no reasons, only excuses.

But what was my why? A friend said, very simply, “Because you loved him.”

So why was I being so hard on myself? I was only acting out of love. I was acting in hope. I was living in the potential, not the reality. But it was all for good reason. So I sat and wrote myself a long letter and I forgave myself.

I felt as though the darkness of months of pain was suddenly seeing a glimmer of light. I still had a lot of grieving to do, yes. In fact I can honestly say that I spent over two years in the various stages of grief, sometimes, often actually, repeating one or more of the stages. I even had to forgive myself again…for the same reason and for being angry at myself for not ‘moving quick enough through the process’. But after I forgave myself I actually started to move THROUGH my grief. I was no longer stuck.

MY TRUTH: Today, I know that I am a lot gentler with myself. I am kinder to myself. I am more loving to me! Why? Because I forgive myself. And I’ve learned to forgive myself for many things…even seemingly insignificant things.

Practice The Presence: Practice Forgiveness Part 2

Moving is for the birds...literally!!!

Our Dining Room

Well the last month has been occupied with making plans to move house and home. As you know this includes finding a new abode, coming up with the necessary down payments, deposits, and covering miscellaneous bills, begging around for boxes and more boxes and still more boxes, packing, papering, packing, stuffing, packing more, finding a mover at a decent price, estimating how much it will cost to move, setting the day, rushing to get everything done for the day, then the move. And we’re done! Right? Wrong.

It has been a topsy turvy month to say the least. We did find a new home, a lovely two bedroom apartment at a very reasonable price with heat and hot water included. The only utilities we need to cover is our Hydro (apparently about $20) and cable/internet (God knows we MUST have internet! How did we do without it in years gone by? By saving upwards to $100 a month).

We planned for a 3 – 4 hour move. It took 10 ½ hours!!!!

This week has been filled with work; coming home to box city and unpacking.

Today we went back to the former abode and patch-painted, swept, washed and cleaned up. We also had to take our massive amount of bottle and cans back to the depot. And then there were the items that the movers would not move for us…you know those things that potentially go BOOM!

Well that’s that part of the ride done. Now all we have to do is go back on trash day and put out the recycling and we finally say good-bye to the place that has been home for about a year and a half now.

As I wrote in my journal yesterday morning the last two abodes have been named thusly: The home after my separation – The Grieving Home. The home we just left – The Healing Home. The home we now occupy: The Home of New Beginnings.

I am grateful for the past two homes. They have been a real part of a really tough roller coaster ride these last three or so years. They have been my sanctuary.

But tonight, as I type, I am just grateful for somewhere to put my feet up and rest. I am exhausted.

Moving is for the birds…literally!

 

 

Moving is for the birds...literally!!!

Love Remaineth

Love Remaineth

Aging

 

Just a funny for today….

Aging

Promises Kept

Promises Kept

Practice The Presence: Practice Forgiveness Part 1

Well soon this series will be completed. I have only the following to do:

• 
  Practice The Presence: Practice Forgiveness Part 1


• Practice The Presence: Practice Forgiveness Part 2


• Practice The Presence: Practice Letting Go


• Practice The Presence: Practice Grabbing Hold


• Practice The Presence: Practice, Practice, Practice

I was inspired to write this particular excerpt because the words that I heard Oprah Winfrey quote many years ago. I thought that they were her words. Although whose words really are original. Our words are only original on in that we can make them personal to our own lives. She was quoting James Ray when she was asked about her take on Forgiveness.

If you know anything about Oprah, you will know that she has not always lived a privileged and wealthy life. Some of her biography is listed at this site (OPRAH’S LIFE). She has grown through many battles and received many battle scars from poverty, abuse, prejudice and other ups and downs in her roller coaster’d life. I don’t remember who it was who asked her, but when she responded about her take on forgiveness it was this quote:

“Thank you for giving me that experience. That’s true forgiveness.”

Can you see it? Look again: Thank you…..FOR-GIVING me that experience. It’s a phrase that’s stuck in my mind and has never let go since that day. Over the last few years my journey in this life has been on the roller coaster ride that says:

“Ride here…you will be hurt, slandered, beaten both mentally and physically, ruined and hurt some more…Board the ride here!!!” 

I have been accused of being too weak, too compassionate, too nice, too generous, too forgiving. And you know what? I’m glad. Because I learned from my heroine that day that forgiveness was not about the other guy…it’s about me! Yes I’ve been hurt. Yes I’ve been beaten down. Yes I’ve even had to take time off to deal with stuff. And if it hadn’t done all that, then it would only show me as either totally aloof or disconnected from reality. It’s good that we feel angry, sad, furious even! It’s normal! It’s part of the grief cycle. God gave us these emotions for a reason. They are part of the purging process…of letting go of the past. But the most important step after all is said and done….is forgiveness. Not some platitude splattered on the wall of life. Not some nice letter or card sent to someone who has perhaps devastated us or just caused us some little inconvenience.

It’s about saying THANK YOU. Thank you for being part of what has shaped me into who I am today. 

When Michelangelo carved the statue of the David around 1500 he had to use a chisel (more than one I’m sure) and hammer. He didn’t do it with a little gingerly push here or there, no! He had to slam that stone and break it and shape it into the piece of art that is still in existence more than 500 YEARS later!!!!

So next time you are tempted to curse someone for something hateful or hurtful, feel those feelings – don’t ignore them. Then let them go when you’re ready and grant forgiveness, Thank you for giving me this experience.

Practice The Presence: Practice Forgiveness Part 1

The Web We Weave

 

When I saw this poster from Hay House I was reminded of the old Christmas movie It’s A Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart & Donna Reed (1946). It’s a movie I watch every Christmas now (well except this past one for some reason I missed it).

I was chatting with a friend in the last few days and reflecting on how many lives we have the opportunity (privilege) to touch and be touched by in our life times. I can truly say that I have directly touched and been touched by literally thousands and thousands of individuals whom I’ve had the privilege of knowing in the last 50 years. As a minister I served in the smallest of churches and in a couple of rather large ones too. I served on various committees in different communities and made many friends too (and I didn’t even have to pay them to say they were my friends either).

Lately (and I’m not sure why more lately than in the past) I have stopped and pondered how different my life would be if I’d not been touched by so many. This doesn’t even begin to include those I’ve read or watched or researched or even the Internet!!! I remember reflecting on the little church I grew up in just outside of Montreal. Life seemed so huge and scary at times then. Now I look back and see that it was just a mere taste of what was yet to come. And I plan to live for another 50+ years yet! How many more will I know.

But, without any narcissism, I wonder how many of the lives that I’ve been touched by have been touched my things that I have said or done (both for the best and not so much the best). Why is it that we have to wait until a person has died to hear about all the wonderful things they’ve done? Why is it we wait until after they are dead to do this for those who’ve touched us?

So my encouragement for the day is for you to find a few people from long ago to just a few moments ago who have made some sort of impact (even if it was perceived as negative, think of who you are now because of that impact) on your life. Can you send them a note, email, card, letter, text or even some grateful energy??? I know how I feel when someone tells me that I’ve had an impact in some way on their lives. Why not pay it forward??

The Web We Weave

Relax! It'll Be Fine...Perhaps?

 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned its that the only thing I can control it is my need to control. I could give all the psychiatric lingo that makes good reasoning for my need to control. But when it really comes down to it, it doesn’t matter. Why? Because ultimately nothing is in my control, nothing!

This last month and a half has been a whirlwind of activity: The run up to Christmas, shopping, working, writing, socializing, the usual ups and downs on this wonderful roller coaster ride. The last week has been the crash and burn time of that ride. We are in the midst of boxes and packages as we pack up the final things of our current home and get ready to move to the next. Yet another part of the adventure of life. It’s not been an easy few weeks. There has been a lot of pain and grief with this move. But who said that change is ever easy. Better still, who can control change. The only thing that I can control in all of this is my willingness to let go of control.

Over the last week or so I have noticed myself becoming more and more tired. On top of that I haven’t been sleeping so well either. I’m a list-maker. It’s my little way of keeping things under control. The problem for me though, is to be able to shut off the list making at bed time. I wake in the night and add to the list. Then doze (or try to) and add to the list, etc…

When I get over tired I begin to see a rise in the pain levels in my body. When I get over tired I begin to feel crappy. So the last few days I haven’t been getting the blog written. In fact, I haven’t been getting much of anything done, including packing. I chose on Thursday afternoon, to let go and just go with the flow. For me that has meant sleeping a lot! Yes it’s added a bit of stress for me, because I feel like the list is ever-growing and the time is every growing shorter. But it will be fine. It always is.

So this blog is just to let you know that I haven’t forgotten, I’ve just chosen to let go and take a few days easier. I’ll be back at it in a couple of days. You have my word on that. In the meantime I do wish I was doing what the person in this picture is doing: Sitting on the beach with a margarita in hand…or three!

Relax! It'll Be Fine...Perhaps?

Fear Not! Yah Right!

Anything really worth doing in our lives will always have some fear attached to it.

I was once told that anything worth doing is worth doing well. And anything done well was worth doing. The fact of the matter too, is that sometimes the things that were worth doing had a ton of fear attached to them. I love riding roller coasters. I’m not supposed to do that anymore because of back issues. But I used to love the exhilaration of being scared out of my wits!

Some people are just born risk-takers. These are the Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfreys of our world. They are those who will take a risk and if they fail, they just move onto the next risk and eventually will succeed! I’m not like that. Yes, I like roller coasters. But they have all kinds of security measures in place to keep you safe. Take away the harness and you wouldn’t see me even watching, let alone riding.

When you stop to think about it though, the things in life that had some fear attached to them were really things that were worth doing: Getting married, having kids, getting that degree, starting that career, business or friendship. True, not everything turns out rosy in the garden. Sometimes it’s pretty thorny. Yes you do have to watch out for the pricks! But all in all it was worth it wasn’t it?

Are you facing a situation in your life right now that has you uneasy, nervous, even terrified? Stop then. Listen to the fear. What is it really saying? Is this a coaster ride with no restraints? Or is this just a new type of roller coaster with all the safeties necessary?

Recently I was faced with something that brought that concern to me. I am about to embark on a course of study that will give me a certification that I would like to have. But it scared me. So I looked at it and listened to my fears. I don’t have the cash to pay for it – true. But whenever I truly need the cash it always comes. I haven’t been a student for a very long time. But I’m smart. I have the wherewithal to do this. I have had a couple of years of health challenges which often link back to exhaustion. I have learned to pace myself and take care of myself. I also have people in my life who will call me on over doing it. There is a ton of change happening this month in my life. I have been through nothing but change in the last three years and I’m still here and doing just fine thank you very much.

Some of the fears are reasonable. Some of them are my guardian self trying to protect. Some of them are just silliness. I read a book a number of years ago that I am going to read again this year called Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. If you haven’t already done so, I encourage you to pick up this easy-read and do it anyway!!!

MY TRUTH: I have come to accept fear as my friend and guide. Yup! I really have. Fear has helped me to run when necessary and plan always. Fear has also helped me to overcome some HUGE obstacles in my life too. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

 

Fear Not! Yah Right!

It's Never Too Late To Turn Around

 

I don’t know about you but there have been many times in my life when I’m driving somewhere and suddenly realize that I have no freaking idea where I am. There suddenly is this moment of realization followed by panic, and if you have anyone with you, this is followed by embarrassment, then followed by (typical male) “I know exactly where we are!”

I learned a loooooong time ago that there’s nothing wrong with asking for directions. In fact, in most cases, it actually will impress your co-travellers.

Life is like that. I have been going in a direction either in my career, workplace, or personal life and suddenly I’m met with this, “what the heck was I thinking!!!” And if it’s to do with your income this is almost always followed by panic.

But let’s take a step back from the dramatic and settle into the day-to-day. You’re at the office and you’re given an assignment to carry out. You look at it and think, “How am I going to do this? I have no idea what I’m doing!” But you push a head anyhow and push, push, push. Everyone around you can see that you’re lost, but they know that you don’t want to admit that so they just watch in horror as the Titanic rushes through the ice field all over again. And we all know how that story ended.

Recently I was speaking with my employer and we were joking around a bit and I asked what someone might think was a stupid question. But I’ve learned that there are no such things as stupid questions, just stupid people who won’t ask them! I said that to him and he totally agreed with me.

I’m one of these people that’s blessed with a memory like a steel trap! Once trapped, nothing comes out! In other words I often forget things. So, for the most part, to save myself embarrassment later, I ask for a repeat, just so I got it right. Then I avoid going down that road in the wrong direction and save everyone time, ego bruising and money. But in those times when I do forget to ask and realize that I’m heading in the wrong direction I will stop and ask.

THOT: How many times this week will you try to fake it? Why? What have you really got to lose? Stop! Ask for directions. Get on the correct path.

It's Never Too Late To Turn Around

Take Responsibility!

 

This is not meant as an indictment. It’s just a fact of life!

Often when we have encountered a negative friend, loved one, client, whomever, we feel it’s okay to say, “You make me angry!” or “You piss me off!” or “You upset me!”

No one has the power to make you do or feel anything! I’ve said it before and I say it again, there are NO victims. I’ll qualify that with, you can be victimized. But to be a victim you are remaining in a situation that causes you pain. You chose that situation…for whatever reason. You give away your power.

I was in an abusive relationship for many years. Does that make me a victim of abuse? No! I chose to stay. I thought it could be better. I thought that things would change. I sometimes even fooled myself into thinking that things had changed. But they never did…not really.

So I am responsible for my ‘victimhood’. Now I know that’s going to rattle a few cages…good! It’s time to wake up to reality. No one can truly control you. You have two feet, walk away. You have a tongue in your head, say “stop it”. You have two good hands, call the police, friend or relative. I could go into a million reasons why I stayed. They would make a lot of sense. You may even be able to say that they are good reasons to stay. But it still comes down to choosing. It comes down to not owning my own power but giving it up to someone else.

On the other side of the coin (because coins do have two sides), not are you only responsible for your actions, so is the other party. So now I’ll shift this a bit. I have actually caused pain in others. This doesn’t take away their responsibility in how to re-act or act. It simply places on me responsibility for my actions.

I have said or done something that has caused a transfer of energy to another. They may have reacted with anger or sadness. Or they may have surprised me by reacting with love and something unexpected. They took control of their reaction to my action. Bless them! Because I needed that. But I am still responsible for my stuff. I am still responsible to clean it up.

That’s the great thing about life. We can make a terrible mess and still clean it up…even if the other party doesn’t want us to. I can recommit to being different; doing different.

It’s true. I may have been nasty because I was tired, stressed, pressed for time, or a multitude of other reasons. But I am still responsible for my stuff. Last week as I was packing boxes for our move I lost my temper because the tape wouldn’t go the way I wanted it to. I was over tired, feeling stressed and in a great deal of pain. Does that give me the right to blow up – certainly not. So in that moment I apologized to my daughter for my anger. I told her that I was stressed, over tired and in pain. She replied with, “then it’s time to stop, Dad.” She didn’t run away. She didn’t hurl abuse back at me. Because I chose to clean it up immediately she understood and forgave me. She also chose not to be a victim. And so did I.

MY TRUTH: So as I get up from this blog and get ready to go to work, I am going to remember that if I encounter a fellow worker, family member, or just regular Joe Black, I am responsible for one thing: I am responsible for my own actions…and re-actions. Yes they are responsible for their actions too. But that’s their stuff. That’s between them and God. Not me and them. It’s not my place to try to fix them by pointing out that they hurt me, because I chose to be hurt. It is my responsibility how I react. And no matter the reason it is also my responsibility how I treat others.

Take Responsibility!

I Have a Dream....

On August 28th, 1963, the Reverend Martin Luther Jr. made a speech that would change history for people of colour in the USA. I wasn’t even 2 months old. His words have echoed and inspired people and newer, up-to-date version of the Dream Speech. I just downloaded a copy of the original speech as typed by him. You can read it HERE. I was re-inspired as I read it just now. I was moved too. Mind you most who know me well will say I am moved by a good television commercial! Read it again! Be moved! Be motivated!

When you done that, watch this video below. What’s your DREAM?

http://youtu.be/g-jwWYX7Jlo

I Have a Dream....

Look At Yourself After Watching This

http://www.lifesrollercoaster.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Nick-vujicic.mp4


You are gorgeous just the way you are…




Look At Yourself After Watching This

Heal However

 

I made a bit of a direction change in my working life (career if you like) lately. I have started working at a local funeral chapel. I am amazed at the difference in how various cultures grief. I can remember my mother crying by the casket of my father and saying “I look like a fool!”

No one can tell you how, when, how long you should grieve. It is your grief. Whether you are grieving the loss of a job, loved one, friend or friendship, relationship or even your favourite Christmas decoration.

I am amazed that we don’t take the time to grieve anymore! And we wonder why so many need medication to cope. We wonder why so many children end up in ‘reform’ institutions. We wonder why we can’t seem to move forward.

The grief journey is as unique as the person experiencing it. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross has given us the five stages of grief:

• Denial


• Anger


• Bargaining


• Depression


• Acceptance

But just because she has been so wise as to figure this out, doesn’t mean that we will go through the process in that order, or any order for that matter. We may even visit and revisit one or another once or a few times. The point is just do it! Ignore the nay-sayers and do-gooders. It is your process. Yes, reach out for help, in whatever form, if you need it. Yes, don’t use grief as an excuse to stop living. Yes, don’t get stuck…at least not for long. Yes, grieve!

Heal However

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

 

There’s this thing called intuition which comes up a lot for me these days. It’s that feeling in your gut that you’ve been told to ignore because it’s not logical. It’s the moment when you actually do see a person for what they really are about, not what they want you to believe they are about.

But when we don’t use our intuition about people it is this that speaks louder than words: Their actions! Honourable or not so honourable. Loving or not so loving. Kind or not so kind.

Listen!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Practice The Presence: Practice Joy

Have you ever felt like the joy was gone out of your life?

I get that. I can completely identify. Many of us go through periods of great turmoil. Then at some point when all the stress settles down and we look around we realize that our joy is gone! We haven’t really and truly laughed out loud (lol) in weeks, months or perhaps years. We feel like life is just another thing to do every day. We can put on a happy face but really we don’t enjoy the things we used to. Now Doctors have come to call this depression. If it goes on for more than a certain period of time it is labeled; you are issued a prescription and you move on. Sometimes the prescription is necessary. I know that there have been periods in my life when it was including the period of transition that I have come through over the last three years. But sometimes these medications can numb you so much that a natural part of life – grief, cannot be processed as it was meant to be processed. Other times it actually helps us through the process. I believe that if it’s not numbing you and you are able to work through the process, then by all means, take the meds!!! There is nothing spiritual about suffering.

It was only a few months ago that I was sitting in my morning quiet time and I suddenly realized that all the grief I had been experiencing, feeling and permitting myself to process was done! I was done! But…where I should (I don’t like that word) be feeling joy I just felt, well, nothing. Nothing at all. Usually when we’ve reached that point there is relief and the pain is replaced by joy. Not for me. I was just numb. There was an absence of any emotion. I had been so used to processing all the grief day after day, that I had forgotten what joy felt like. So I began a new journey….

…The journey to find my lost joy. 

I can remember with complete clarity sitting with my journal and asking Spirit to show me the way back to joy. I missed it. I craved it. I deserved it damn it! Now serve it up! I’m being a bit sarcastic now (perhaps too joyful??? – Not!). But I did request. I did start to truly seek out joy. Then I came across an writing (sorry I don’t remember who or which one) that said that joy is to be found in the small moments. What? What on earth does that mean? Joy is BIG, not small. As I found other writers (gurus if you like) I learned something absolutely spectacular.

You see all my life I have thought that I had joy because of my religious beliefs or faith. But I never really did. Oh I’d go along for a while and then the bottom would fall out and I would be stuck again. This time, throughout this long and painful process I didn’t get stuck. Or if I did I had people who cared enough to say I was stuck. It was indeed a process. And now I was learning joy is a process too.

Joy is the moment this morning when I observed a young Mom and Dad with their little tot in his cute little suit falling over his feet because his new shoes were too large. It was that moment when I teased my fellow worker by interrupting her constantly while she was trying to tell a story, frustrating her beyond belief and then us all laughing about it. It was that moment when I sat down to a delicious coffee and my lunch at after 2 pm having not eaten since breakfast at 6:30 am. It was the moment of helping someone load their van. And guess what? All of these small moments added up to a joy-full day!!!

MY TRUTH: I have once again found joy. I find joy in the simple things, the flavours of my food and drink. The quiet moments, like right now when I can write. The long drives in my car listening to a novel. The moments when my dog, Gracie attacks her teddy (totally destuffed now) with ferocity. Yes, I still have moments, like last night when I lost it because I was pushing myself too hard and was over tired. But then I remembered some of the joyful moments in my day and realized that I no longer have terrible, depressing days. I have found my joy.

Practice The Presence: Practice Joy

The Universe Within

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The Universe Within

Celebrate People Because...

 

 

Yesterday I wrote about not apologizing for who you are. Today I’m saying that you need to hang out with people who appreciate that person who doesn’t need to apologize for who they are. Now I do want to qualify here. If you are a total a$$ h… this really doesn’t apply to you. Because in truth you are a wonderful human being. You just choose to let your actions show you as not.

I have a wonderful friend that I’ve had since I was in High School. She lives over 3000 kilometres away from me. She probably knows things about me that no one else knows. In fact I know she does. That places me in a pretty vulnerable place. But you know what? It also places me in the position of a deep caring friendship. It means that I could call her anytime and she would help me. She has seen me as a foolish 18-year-old and now as (I hope) wiser 50. She is a wonderful encouragement to me.

But guess what? That has a flip side. She’s not afraid to put the boots to me if need be. In fact the other night while driving on the highway I called her on my cellphone (yes I used bluetooth). We talked at length about an issue that had caused me real deep pain recently. I told her that I had taken time to grief and was really very sad. I then told her that I did a ritual letting go of all the energy attached to this trial and was feeling much better for it. I had allowed the grief and then let it go so that I could continue moving forward. She said that she was glad I’d let it go because if I had not she was hopping on a plane to come kick my ass and shake my head!

MY TRUTH: Isn’t it wonderful in life to have people around us who accept us for who we are? People who are there in thick and thin. People who know that they can risk telling me something because they accept ME. And…..I accept THEM. Blessings to you K. I pay tribute to you and celebrate you.

Celebrate People Because...

Be You...Period

 

I thought this a great cartoon! It really speaks to me. I wonder if it speaks to you and what it’s saying to you? This will affect everyone differently I’m sure. But here are the thoughts that come to me…and now come from me.

I grew up with a Mum who was born and spent the first 40+ years in England. So I was subjected to various British influences. One of them being politeness. Now they say that Canadians are just polite. Brits must be polite. It was not an option for me. It was mandatory. When you think about it that’s not a bad thing really. But what it did for me was add a level of insecurity for most of my life. I was constantly apologizing for all manner of things…even if it wasn’t me, done by me or me, period!

You know how it looks and sounds. You are doing you best in the workplace and you drop a pencil and say, “Sorry about that.” Or someone bumps into you in the street and you apologize. Why is that? Is it really politeness, good manners. Actually no. It’s actually very poor manners to apologize for other people. It’s also just plain silly to apologize for unimportant ‘accidents’. I remember once having someone say in observation and frustration, “Would you stop apologizing for everything! It’s really frustrating!” I’d never looked at it quite like that. I had always supposed that apologies were meant to make things better, not worse.

I had become one of those people to whom you couldn’t say anything without mincing words. You had to be careful around me or I might apologize. Now how weird is that? So I re-trained myself. And now before I say sorry, I really think about it and ask the following questions:

• Is this my stuff? Their stuff? Or God’s  stuff? If it’s theirs or God’s, why the heck  should I apologize. This causes codependence, discomfort and totally ruins your self-confidence.


• Did I really do something meriting an apology? In other words is it really important to say sorry if I burp? Nope, perhaps an excuse me. You may argue that’s an apology. But not so much. It’s actually customary in our culture, unlike the Chinese and other Middle Eastern cultures.


• 
  If I do apologize what will the effects by? Now the list on this one can really get out of control. If it’s going to make things worse (like when someone isn’t going to accept any apology from you) then don’t do it.


• Am I really, truly, sorry?


• Am I going to change my way of being to make sure this doesn’t happen again?

The most important place that I found myself apologizing was for who I am! I’m shorter than most. I don’t have an degrees except the degree of life. I am quiet and don’t really enjoy parties.

So here it is. I’m only 5′ 6″. I’m certainly not a gym bunny. So I’m thin but not muscular. I’m a consultant without a degree, but tons of experience and intuition. I’m a guy who came out in life after marrying, starting a contradictory career trajectory, having three great kids. I am passionate. I’m a weeper. Why should I apologize for being ME? So why do you apologize for being you? I will also give credit where credit is due. I caught this new way of being after attending a very intense set of workshops put together by Landmark Education, starting with the first weekend intensive called The Landmark Forum. Now I’m not selling, recruiting or getting any commission for using their name. And I also truly believe that this particular modality/work is not for everyone. I connected quite powerfully with it and it transformed my life.

MY TRUTH: Now when I apologize I really mean it. I am committed to making changes that will affect a similar outcome next time. And….I NEVER apologize for being me. I apologize for what I do, not being.

Be You...Period

The Power of the Subconscious

What a great way to start the New Year. Just take the ½ hour to listen:

Power of Subconscious Mind Power Techniques SHOCKING Programming Explained thoughts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMNaPmmuHCs

The Power of the Subconscious

You Are A Survivor (NOT!) You Are AWESOME

I’ve never really been a big fan of the show SURVIVOR. In fact I can honestly say I’ve never actually sat through a single episode. Mind you I’m not a big fan of “reality TV” because it’s really not real in my opinion.

But here’s something else I’ve never been a big fan of. It’s being called a Survivor. The attached poster really speaks about me. It probably speaks well for you too! But does that make us survivors? When I picture a survivor I picture someone who comes home after a great battle and sort of slips in the back door and just starts life over from where they left it off.

Bah! I refuse to be that person! I like this Jewel of Wisdom because it says that those trials that we’ve been through don’t prove us survivors. They prove us to be AWESOME. Now you may think it a bit conceited to think that of myself. But if I don’t then I will be perceived as just a survivor or even worse a victim!!! And that I refuse to be. I personally have been victimized. But I will not remain in that situation and become a victim. Nope! Nuhhuh! No way!

It is also MY TRUTH in my life that when I project myself in a positive way, then I am perceived in that way. Arrogance is not positive. There is a difference about feeling good about yourself, where you’ve been and how you shine because of it to thinking you’re God’s gift to all and have the right to tell others how they should be. Can someone please hit the buzzer now!

So there you have it. From me. YOU ARE AWESOME! Step up to the mirror and say it. Step up to the plate (life) and believe it. Why? Because it’s true.

You Are A Survivor (NOT!) You Are AWESOME

Hero

 

Do you have a hero? Perhaps today is the day to tell them what impact they’ve had on your life.

Hero

Practice The Presence: Practice Peace

When I planned this series several weeks ago, it was also my intention to make sure that I would sit down and write the whole series so that I could schedule it to post automatically. For the most part I have done that. But this one alluded me…or did it?

The last couple of days I’ve had this loud noise in my ears. Some would call it a ringing. Others might call it a buzzing or even whooshing. I call it annoying! Until I read a possible cause other than the medical tinnitus last night. It had been extremely loud yesterday and the only way I could drown it out was to find something louder to have going like the TV. As I climbed into bed last night I thought, “I wonder if there is some spiritual connection listed somewhere to this?” Now get this LOUD AND CLEAR!!! I DO NOT believe that every physical symptom is a result of some spiritual illness. One of my favourite authors is Louise Hay, but I do not accept her believe that every cold, ache, sneeze, pimple has a spiritual connection that needs to be fixed. I do believe that many illnesses can be thusly connected and that the healings she suggests may work.

I have spent many years in the Christian church where everything I did seemed to be wrong and thus attached to a spiritual beginning or outcome. I felt shame and guilt piled upon guilt and shame. This is not how God, Goddess, Spirit, Universe, whatever you call him, her wants us to live. That is not life abundant, as Jesus spoke of. That is life in shame and guilt and paranoia. The same can be found in almost every church religion, philosophy or opinion on earth. So I’m not pinning it only on Christians. I’m pinning it on everyone. I ask, “Why can’t it just BE?” I got a cold because I got a cold! So what? I’ll get over it quicker if I set to taking care of myself rather than beating myself up for not doing something that could have prevented it. And maybe I could have prevented it. But now I must focus on wellness, not the illness! Gosh!!!

So back to my original question last night. What I found was that this ringing in the ear could be connected to the Ohm or Spirit’s Call or the like. There are many sites dedicated to it. Just Google it. It is said that perhaps the Spirit’s calling to listen. Wow! I’d never even considered that. Could Spirit be trying to communicate with me? Have I been as open as I could have been? Could the ringing just be ringing or the rushing of blood through my body? Who knows. But it fit with today’s blog.

Sometimes we spend so much time in our noise polluted world of TV, iPhone, iPod, iPad, iNoise, music filled workplaces, cars, etc, that we aren’t even conscious that the noise has cut us off from the planet, the universe, the Spirit of our Creator. Even now at 7 am as I type this I have the furnace blowing in the background. I actually cannot hear the buzzing in my ears because of it.

When was the last time I practiced the Presence to find peace? When did I last take a walk along the trail and just listen to the planet in all it’s wonder and splendour? When did I last sit out under the awning and listen to the rain, or sleep with my window open enjoying the same? When did I just STOP?! BREATHE IN?! BREATHE OUT?! Again and again…just to listen.

Hawaiian Sunset 2012 – Tim Latour

I remember last year when my son, Tim and I went to Hawaii. I had many of those moments. Moments on the ship getting there. Just being quiet and listening to the hum of the engine. Or at night when everyone slept and the engines stopped while we drifted or were at port. Or, especially in Hawaii, itself, where I’ve never felt so close to the planet in my life. I thought the year previous as I was in the Maya was amazing and it was. But Hawaii was different, peaceful, healing. Even in Pearl Harbour where I expected to feel a storm of painful energy there was peace. There was almost an dis-quietening peace. Those are the moments I crave. And last night I realized that even in my meditative moments, I have missed.

MY TRUTH: I crave the peaceful presence. I not only crave it; I need it! Because it is in these moments that the voice of my Creator can be heard. Sometimes that voice is just a whoosh. Sometimes it has been an audible word or words. Sometimes it is just a sense that all is well in the world and my world. Whatever, whenever, however, I know I must get back to practice the Presence: Practice Peace. What about you?

Reference To Ponder: I Kings 19. It is the story of the prophet Elijah looking for YHWH (God) in the noise and show of life. But it was in the quiet that Elijah was actually overwhelmed by the presence. If you don’t have a Bible, here’s a link.


Practice The Presence: Practice Peace

Do Your Best! That's It!

So it’s New Year’s Day. Some folk were out to all hours last night partying and enjoying bringing in the New Year with a bang! Good for them. You know what I was doing? The usual. I have for years now, stayed home on New Year’s Eve, usually treating myself to Chinese food and a good movie and perhaps a glass of white wine. These last three years I’ve shared that with my Daughter, Sarah, since I’ve been single again. I’m not a partier. I’m not a party pooper either. But the whole idea of staying up to watch a midnight come and go just because it’s the last day of the year just doesn’t really do it for me. And starting the New Year in my cups just doesn’t seem like a good way for me to start it.

That said, I do take some time for introspection at New Year’s. Actually I tend to do it all through the Christmas Season. I do a great deal of journaling and being thankful for the events of the past year; yes, even those events that some of us may rather forget. They have taught me some valuable lessons. Perhaps I grew stronger because of something that occurred. Perhaps I grew more vulnerable; is that so bad?

But my New Year’s resolution is usually the same these last few years:

In 2014, I am committed to always doing my best!

That’s it! Now you may ask, “Honestly now, how can you always do your best?” Well the truth is there may be days when I don’t. But even that concept has changed only in the last couple of years.

You know how it is. Today I woke up and my head was ready to explode! Then I realized that my nose was a tap! And then the whole world sucked! Or maybe it was like this: I had a really rotten night of sleep (or lack thereof) and today I have no energy. Drag to the coffee pot…fall into the shower…prop up the eye lids with tooth picks…etc…

So does that mean that I won’t be able to do my best? CERTAINLY NOT!

Doing my best is not about doing perfection.

It’s not even close to that. On days when my nose is running and my feet aren’t I can still do my best. It will certainly look different to the days when I wake with zest and zeal! Actually these days mornings are a struggle at best. I was for years a morning person. I would easily get up anywhere between 6 and 7 and enjoy that time with a cup of Java. I realize that the last few years have really kicked the crap out of me. So I don’t beat myself up anymore than the years already have. Mornings suck! That’s just the way it is. But I get up and get going anyhow. And guess what? They are getting easier again – hallelujah!!!

So back to doing my best.

I strive to always do my best no matter how I feel,
how much energy I have or don’t have,
however sad or happy I am.

I can still give it my best shot. And today’s best shot may miss the mark compared to yesterday. But it’s still my best shot!

MY TRUTH: The world is hard enough on me. Gosh! I’ve been hard enough on me! I’m learning to be gentler, kinder, more giving and forgiving…of myself. Today I will do my best. Tomorrow I will too. They may look entirely different. That doesn’t make me stupid, lazy, useless, brainless, dumb, douchey, or anything like that. It just is! Period! I did my best! That’s my New Year’s resolution!

Do Your Best! That's It!