Dreamers, Greatness & Choice

I used this gem back in October 2013. I didn’t say very much about it; only one or two sentences. In life we have many choices. We can choose greatness or not. We can choose this person or that person to be romantically involved with. We can choose this career or that career. We can choose to drive a Chevy or a VW. The list of choices is endless really. And we tend to judge ourselves and others, especially loved ones, by the choices we make. Even making no choice at all is a choice.



So many of us have been caught up in the ‘greatness’  charismatic movements over the last few years because we feel that we are NOT making the right choices. We are not living with great wealth. We are in a career that sucks us dry instead of fills us with joy. We are with the wrong mate for whatever reason. We are obviously failing with our choices because we don’t have the millions in the bank, the BMW, the mansion, the other properties, the……

I know, because I’ve been caught up in some of these movements, even though my heart was screaming at me to run the other way. In trying to create wealth all I did was create debt by buying all the CD’s, courses, and ‘tools’ needed to succeed. In the last few years I have realized a new meaning to success. First of all, I realized that the way success looks to each of us is as different as the faces who see it. I am a successful parent; my children are growing and are living good lives. I am a successful janitor because I can look back at my shift and know I’ve done my very best. I’m a successful stay-at-home parent because I have created a home that is safe and loving. It can look very different to each person.

I believe that my life is really starting to show the results of changing some of my choices. For me success is satisfaction, joy, peace – a feeling that my life emulates what my heart strives for. One of those pieces for me was to let go of people who did not help to build me up. It is so easy to beat myself up; to see only my ‘failures’. I don’t like that word actually. I no longer believe there is such a thing as failure; just choices. Failure is a judgement call. And we all know what judgement feels like – especially self-judgement.

Today, I am so grateful for the friends I have because they do see greatness within me. I am so grateful for my children who have been my anchor over the last few years. I am so grateful for a job that allows me to express my greatness through my gifts and abilities. No, I’m not rich. No, I’m not a CEO of a mega-corporation. No I’m not what I even thought I’d be now when I look back to what I thought was greatness in my 20’s.

What I am is at peace with myself, my Creator, my surroundings, my professional life, my family and friends. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by people who see greatness in me. What about you?


Dreamers, Greatness & Choice

God's Timing

For the last couple of years I have been in transition. Well to be correct, the transition began five years ago on July 1. But the last two years was a final farewell, officially, to my consulting business. It doesn't mean that I've given up on it or that I can't pick it up at anytime. In fact I'm consulting with a group who have a magnificent vision for a well needed community service. But I'm not charging.

When I finally let go, if you've been following from the start when I started this blog, I was then left with the letting go of my ego and asking the Provincial Government for help. At that time I thought it would be a monthly welfare cheque. But due to some on-going health issues over the years I was automatically put on Provincial Disability. Now the 'allowance' (because let's face it, it was not enough for me to live on) was small and the stresses it brought to me were deep. Last year another transition was when I finally let go of my debt load and worked a Consumer Proposal that would allow me to pay only a portion of my owings to my debtors. Yet another Ego release.

The last 19 months I was employed on-call, as well as receiving the Disability Allowance, with a local funeral firm. I will say right here, I am so very grateful for that job and the people who filled it with me. It allowed me a bit of 'wiggle room' and was actually responsible for me going the route of a Consumer Proposal rather than a second bankruptcy, which would destroy my credit for about 15 years (almost retirement). It also allowed me to grow stronger, both physically and emotionally, so that I could say with the utmost certainty that I was ready to return to full-time work.

Over these last months I have been looking for work. I had times of real disappointment as you can well imagine. Applying for work, if done properly, is a huge sales job of oneself. I couldn't sell a Band-aid to a bleeding patient! Yet I worked hard on pretty well every application. It was about integrity and allowing the Universe/God to work the necessary miracle.

My motto has been through all these months, even when in despair, I will get the most beneficial job in God's time; not a moment too soon, or a moment too late. So I've completed one week. The first day I came home with a headache the size of a 747! The second day, the same, except it was more like a small prop-plane. By day three I was feeling my stride. I love the work! It addresses my administrative abilities and qualifications. It has room for significant growth. It has a great environment. It has fantastic benefits some of which I'm already enjoying. I feel blessed. All those months of searching from the top of this province to the USA border and from East to West on Vancouver Island. I have applied for many jobs I was over qualified to do. I have applied...well...just because; because I needed to keep the energy flowing. With over 100 applications under my belt I had only gotten THREE interviews. Can you imagine?

So here I am. I am the Development Assistant at The Chemainus Theatre.

Not a moment too soon; nor a moment too late.

Integrity

It's a funny thing, integrity. Everyone has their own version. Actually that's not really 'wrong'. Like all things 'judgemental' there are different perspectives.

In the last couple of years I've had two major events that tested my integrity. The first was when my daughter and I moved from the house we were taking care of. I dragged us back and forth in the last number of days to make sure that the house was clean and tidy and that holes in the walls were repaired. My poor daughter got so fed up with me one night saying, "You and your *#!! integrity!" We hadn't even been talking about it at that moment. She and I were both exhausted from the moving. I was in considerable pain and she was concerned for me, which I appreciated. But I was determined to leave the house in excellent shape even if the relationship with the friends of the home was in shambles. The relationship was not something that I had any control over. They had made a decision to end the friendship. But the house I could leave in excellent shape, even with the list of jobs not completed.

This past week has been the second test of my integrity. As you know I am finished up my job at the funeral chapel on this Friday. I have been determined to leave on a positive and amicable note. So far it is going well. But it would be so easy to just rest on my laurels and coast through until the last day. It would be even easier to just walk!

Besides my integrity I am being this way for professional reasons as well. I want to keep a good relationship for the Celebrant work I do. And not burning my bridge can have indeterminable future impact too.

I remember I had this same attitude when I left a job a few years ago. I gave a month notice there because of my position. I spent the next weeks making sure that the transition would be easier. On the last week the Executive Director walked into my office and told me that he no longer trusted me and told me to get the #$$$@ out! I was shocked and yet not. He was not a man of integrity and that was the reason I was leaving.

It is often seen that when integrity shines a light onto the lack thereof the darkness has two choices: clean up or clear out (or in this case tell me to clear out); and I did. I said thank you for paying me for the final few days even though I wouldn't be working. He knew I would go to Labour Relations, so he relented. But he continued his madness into the next job by writing a scathing letter accusing me of all sorts. Fortunately the new employer saw through it because of the former's reputation and because he knew that if I was guilty for even a fraction of the accusations he would have fired my ass out of there long ago. Besides the new employer had actually poached me and knew me well.

Integrity! What does it mean to you? For me it's more than honest. It means my word is everything. And part of that word is the way I conduct myself both in business and privately. I have worked hard to make that so. I have sacrificed a lot to make that so. I'm not about to stop now!

I am counting down the hours, of course. I'm also a bit anticipatory about the next job. But that's normal: Feel the fear and do it anyway!

What does integrity look like to you? What does YOUR integrity look like?

Gratitude

You know, the Universe/God/Goddess, has a way of showing up just at the perfect moment. As you know I’ve been on the job hunt for several months (18+). Well, yesterday the Universe rewarded my patience and persistence with a new position (alliteration anybody). I will be working for The Chemainus Theatre Festival. I am going in as the Development Coordinator and Volunteer Coordinator. I am so grateful. It has come, as I was promised, and kept repeating, at the perfect moment; not too soon, nor too late. This position is the one that I eluded to in my post Victoria Day.

I am grateful for this kind of position as compared to some of the others I’d applied for because I think it will major on my talents and abilities. It is work that I’ve done before in other not-for-profits and charities. It also offers me a world of creativity which my soul needs to keep going.

When I chose to go it alone four years ago, I knew that my creativity, whether it was writing or otherwise, was totally stifled – other than my gardening. It then became my regular routine to journal every day. Now, I’m actually going to be trying my hand at sketching. As for my workplace, well who knows. The world is wide open in such a creative and artistic environment.

As for my Celebrant work, it continues. I will continue to offer my services for ceremonies and celebration across the life-cycle. My marriage license is in process. In order to get that moving I actually had to be re-ordained. This time instead of Captain (The Salvation Army) it is Reverend. But don’t bother calling me that because I never liked the titles in the church and still don’t see the real necessity of them. I am just one of the guys. My job is different to others in the group, but not better. So let’s forget about all the pomp and ceremony. I am working on my website and will have that up within the next month I figure. I, in fact, was introduced to a fellow today who is looking for someone to marry him and his good lady. So once again, not a moment too soon, nor too late; just perfect!

As for the future I can see myself moving into retirement and continuing to really enjoy Celebrant work as a vocation. But that’s almost 20 years away. I also hope that it will happen in Hawaii. But who knows really. It is a dream. But as with all my dreams now, they are subject to my Sacred Contracts with others in my life and the Universe in general. I may be able to look through the peep hole in the door. But there’s so much more beyond that small scope.

So here we go….



Oh yeah, if you’re interested in going to a show at the theatre. The current show is The Mouse Trap.


Gratitude

Victoria Day

As I sit on my deck today I am sure I must be toasting by now. The day is absolutely glorious with all the wonderful sounds of summer; birds chirping and tweeting their songs to one another and us, neighbours talking to each other for the first time in a list of wonderful summer days which bring us out of our nests, Gracie wondering around the deck sniffing and panting as she alternatively seeks out a comfortable spot (typical little Princess) which is also out of the sun. She loves the sun but in this heat often only  lasts a few minutes before her rich red/brown coat is just a bit too warm. It's fun to watch her because she may seem to be resting, she is ever vigilant of all the changes going on in her little world; a favoured fellow building dweller or another dog racing up and down the parking lot as his elderly, yet spry, master throws his ball back and forth getting him to fetch and bring it back for a treat. I sense that she is training the pup to be like Gracie who I trust off leash while she is on the property. Since we live on the third floor it not only provides her a bird's eye view, it keeps her in her glass tower when she would rather be down below greeting fellow quadrupeds or interesting humans.

The heat is starting to get to me so I'll be heading in soon. But the purpose of this entry has yet to be disclosed. It is to celebrate an "excellent (job) interview" according to my interviewer this past Wednesday. He has followed up the interview with contacting my references. I have been down the road of getting excited or attached to a particular application a number of times this past year or so. So even though I keep reminding myself of this I also, due to some child Archetypal energy am like a kid on Christmas morning.

This job will provide me with a number of wonderful opportunities that I can see in my limited pre-start view: Interaction and supervision of volunteers, development plans for donors, giving and events, artistic opportunities galore, administrative duties, human interaction (something I've lacked in terms of being part of a team in my present rather lonely and stranded position). It also looks as though it's something to grow into, have grow on me, and perhaps grow out of and have other opportunities to compliment and extend and challenge that growth. It is only 13-15 minutes drive from the apartment in a little town called Chemainus. It is considered an artistic centre on Vancouver Island; although that artistic grandeur has greatly depreciated in recent years due to economic setbacks in our tourism.

Chemainus was once a booming mill town. A number of years ago now, the mills all but ceased to operate tossing the town into a sad state of mass unemployment and depression. Some very wise people banded together to bring the tow back to life through tourism. They contracted the services of artists who painted wonderful, larger than life murals all over town depicting the culture and history of the area. As part of that reconstruction of what a little town could be, it is also now the home of the Chemainus Theatre Festival.

I already feel wonderfully privileged to be part of such a town, even if only through employment. I hope that in my new position (I'm already speaking as though it's mine, I know) I will not only be able to impact the place of employment, but also the place of employment on the grander scale, the town itself.

I have maintained over the last several months that the perfect fitting position would come along at only the perfect and most beneficial moment in time. I truly am hoping and feeling that this may well be that position.

In terms of the future I feel it will give me the outlet I need for my creative talents. I also can sense how it will compliment my newly acquired certification as a Life-Cycle Celebrant (website still under construction) and a healing ministry that I have felt called to for a very long time. We shall see...

Choose Wisely

A bit late. Mother’s Day has passed once again. Many of us owe our lives, who we are to someone special be it a mentor, father or mother. Although she wasn’t perfect she had a HUGE impact on who I am today. Miss you Mum (1921-1995).

Link: Tribute To Mother

Choose Wisely

Small Miracles

As I was driving to work this morning I decided to cut off the Parkway at the bottom end of Nanaimo and drive through town, even though I was running late. Usually I feel a bit more confident that I will arrive a bit earlier using the Parkway. As it turns out I was still five minutes early anyhow.

But arriving safe and sound and on time for work isn’t what this entry is about. It’s about listening to your gut (or intuition, lead, inner voice, higher self, guide, angel, whatever you’re comfortable using) and being in the moment; not the future.

Lately, as you know from my previous POSTING I haven’t been present to the moment as much as would like. I’ve been dwelling on something that hasn’t happened yet, its possible fall out, massive or tiny changes to my life and routine, both good and challenging. But this morning I followed that inner voice.

Even though I haven’t been feeling like I’m very present, I have been practicing to learn to listen to the inner voice; and even asking for direction. I’ve been doing this in a lot of ways. But today it was just about getting to work the ‘best’ way.

As I stopped at the first set of traffic lights coming into town I looked out my driver’s side window and stared at the cement and asphalt median. It is about 10 feet across at that point. I was looking at the starkness of it – but not totally present to it because I was living in the future and worrying about not getting to the office on time. Of course, my worry was a total waste of energy.

My eye caught a glimpse of a little spot of grass pushing up the asphalt. It was no more than an inch in width. But it was a few inches tall. All of a sudden I was reminded about my life and how I keep wanting that miracle to occur that will shift me forward; yet anxious about it too. I was aware that in this mass of barrenness a few blades of grass had pushed through against all odds. After all how can a few blades of grass pop up and conquer that heavy baron existence? I guess it was a miracle of sorts when I really gave it some thought.

Now realize that this all occurred in just a matter of seconds! As I look at what seems to be the flat, stark existence I seem to see for kilometres around me (basically my place in life right now) there can be miracles. Just STOP and look. They’re there. I know they are. From the glory of spring coming to life around us to how truly blessed I am. Yup I’m weary of the way things seem these days. But I have a roof over my head (including the elephants I swear live in the apartment above). I have food in my tummy. I have friends. I have what I have. I have my life.

As I typed away I was reminded that when things seem to be at their starkest look for the blades of grass pushing up through the baroness around you. It may not be the particular thing I’m waiting for. But it is there. Today stop and look for the miracles; no matter how small.


Small Miracles

Hurry Up and Wait!

I dislike intensely the waiting process. It’s as if the Universe is sitting back having a good old laugh at my expense. Well that was a weird picture in my mind. You see, I know that I am supposed to be moving forward to ……something….. Just what that something is I don’t know. And being true to my Cancerian nature, I need to know. I need to control my environment or stay in my shell until the storm has passed.

These past few years have all been about letting go. Letting go of stuff, people, non-beneficial relationships. Letting go of my consulting business and so, so, so, much more.

I have such wonderful supportive people around me who are constantly asking how the job search is going. Well…it’s going….I’ve lost count of how many jobs I’ve applied for. So what is it that I’m waiting for? I’ve asked myself the simple question (well not so simple really), is there anything that I’m doing to prevent this moving forward. I don’t think so. I’ve even had a professional re-write my resume and do a template cover letter. I spend hour every week pouring through website after website.

I did have a piece of wonderful news last week. I person on LinkedIn contacted me and offered to pay the outstanding fees I needed to pay to be able to move forward with licensing to be a wedding officiant. As you may know I took a course last year at this time to become certified as a Life-Cycle Celebrant. But due to income I struggled up until the end of last month finally paying the course off. And then this wonderful gift. So I am now creating another website for my Celebrant work.

But what about regular – paying the bills – work? Well I come back to hurry up and wait. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for. But I know that it will happen at the perfect moment; no later, no sooner.


Hurry Up and Wait!

Take Your Own Time

Yesterday morning I finished a wonderful book called Walking Home by Sonia Choquette. I highly recommend it to you. A few years ago, noted Intuitive, Sonia Choquette had three major blows in her personal life within the space of three years. First she received a call saying that her brother had died. Six weeks later it was her father. Then a couple of years afterwards her husband moved out and they started down the road towards divorce.

Job Search 101

Over the last year and a bit I have been looking for either full-time work, part-time (to subsidize my current ‘on-call’ work) or contract work (like I’ve done a few times now). I don’t know about anyone else, but I find the job hunt can be demoralizing, confusing and just a great big DOWNER! I have applied to over a hundred jobs now. Possibly more than that; I’ve lost count. I have only had one interview; and only about one tenth have had the courtesy to let me know that they weren’t going to consider me.

As you know the roller coaster ride for me over the last while has been quite the ride. I have asked, and been asked, why can’t I find work? And then there comes the occasional good-hearted person who suggests I just get a job busing tables or at Wal-Mart, etc…

My first issue is often the hardest for me to accept. The Walmart or busing; good idea, except with my back issues, standing for long periods or lifting too much will cause me, short-term, to have to start really popping the morphine and/or in the longterm will land me on my back in bed, doped and iced. In fact, on Thursday I will be having a long-awaited MRI on my neck. Last summer I went to the after-hours clinic locally because I couldn’t turn my neck. The ER Doctor looked at the x-rays he’d ordered and came in saying something along the lines that he was shocked that I wasn’t taking more morphine than what I do currently. I should be in so much pain. The truth is over the last decade I have ‘made friends’ with pain. It is a constant in my life, I just have to choose how much I’m willing to endure before I will take pain meds. Truth is my lower back is the worst of the two areas because it affects my legs so much. So I’ve been told to avoid standing for long periods and don’t do a lot of lifting. Well working at a funeral chapel demands both. But for now, on-call, allows me recovery time. But I couldn’t do it full-time.

The second issue I deal with is that I am over or well experienced, but under qualified. What this causes is those jobs that are below my skills refuse to hire because they believe I’ll be gone at the first opportunity. Let’s be honest, they’re correct. I’ve also had two situations where the interviewer was insecure when reading my resume/C.V. that they don’t want the competition.  One actually admitted it.

I have been designated as ‘disabled’ because of my back and neck issues. I don’t like to think of myself in those terms, so I very seldom talk about it or consider it.

The other issue of taking a lower paying job is that if I do full-time work I will be cut off of my disability allowance and actually be worse off than I am now because I am permitted to earn up to a certain amount. After that they deduct what I earn from what they give me. However, with what I make and the allowance I get it is not financially wise to take a lower paying job. As I wrote about last year around this time I had to make a Consumer Proposal to avoid bankruptcy and still allow me to pay a part of my debts back. Yes it would be easier to go bankrupt. But I have chosen to make some restitution. This means that I make a monthly payment to a Public Trustee. Then there are the other usual expenses, rent, car, gas, insurance, groceries, etc…

So I have a conundrum. And in this way I am like most men; I get downright miserable searching and being refused.  As you know from my entry Loneliness 101 I have also had to deal with a great deal of depression of late, greatly due to this continuing worry of how I’m going to cover bills. Then there is how I feel about myself living off of the government and sitting at home doing my current job – Job Search. And I take that seriously, it is my current job!


I am willing to relocate – within reason of course; although not to Northern Tuktoyaktuk. Yes that’s an actual place, check out the link if you don’t believe me. I am willing to be trained (even more than I am already). Although the type of training that would do the most for me would be a degree program. But with no credit rating I can’t get loans. And government programs would fund it either. I am willing to take a job that I am over qualified for. So what’s going on here? The government says the unemployment rate is only 6.6!!! And the National average time for unemployment is 20.2 consecutive weeks. This include those under employed as well, like me. I’ve already tripled that “average’. Talk about depressing, eh!

So what do I do? Well I schedule time at my job. The job is called Job Search 101. I scour all the Internet resources I can. When I was younger the Newspaper provided this. The Internet is much more thorough than the old Newspapers. In fact, at my part-time job I have to look at the newspaper obituaries. That page also has job ads…all two of them!

My daughter, Sarah, works for a company that will not let people apply in person, with or without a resume. They have to apply through the company website and fill in an application and do some sort of online testing. She says that the problem with that is when you hire based on the website you end up with kids who may seem to have the skills, but not the quality. They are just looking for an easy job to have some extra cash! They don’t usually show up as quality.

So what is to come of Job Search 101? I don’t know. I do know that I’m tired of this. I have laid out to the Universe that there needs to be change and that change needs to be ASAP. I keep hearing from people who have connection with the Universe/God that my time is here. I will find what I need.

In the meantime….if you believe in any Deity at all, please whisper a prayer for me; to find work as well as stay sane throughout this loooooooooooooooong process.


Job Search 101

Meditation 101

How often, how long, how do you, meditate? I’ve had these questions posed more than once in my lifetimeI’ve had these questions posed more than once in my lifetime. When I was a church going man it was called devotions. But that didn’t make it any easier. For over thirty years I was told that it was essential to either have devotions (when I used to attend a church) or meditate.
A few years ago I received one as a gift and then purchased another of these really cute frogs in a “meditation pose”. They were meant to remind me to not take meditating so seriously.

Yes there are those who will tell you that meditating means sitting in the lotus position and humming or chanting. And certainly this is a way of meditation that works for some people. It’s tried and true. It’s centuries old. But it doesn’t usually work for me due to a degenerating spine.

When I was doing my level best to live the life expected of me while in the church I was constantly told that it was so important to maintain a good devotional life. So for many years I really tried to do as I was told. I would take time in the morning for my quiet time. If that didn’t work, and this was usually the case, I would try another time of day.

Devotions became this TO DO item. Now understand, I’m someone who likes lists. But I hated this item on my list! Truly! I did. It was dry and boring. It was serving no purpose in my life. I certainly wasn’t any closer to being holy. If anything it became something that I would add to my list – you know the one – called “I will beat myself up about this” list. I was a dismal failure at this and I always knew it.

Well when I was ‘asked’ to leave the church when I came out I just gave up on it. I figured it was just another item that made me feel like I was worthless.

Fast forward years later, to present time. I have finally found the secret. And I don’t mean the book by Rhonda Byrne. I found that mediation is like a tailored suit. It is totally made-to-measure. It is not a suit that is so tight on you because it fits Susie down the street. I really started to look at various ideas and methods. And then it must have dawned on me at some point. There is no single way to meditate. There is no single type of prayer. Devotion is about your commitment, not your ‘bash me’ list. Besides if I found it agonizing to do the crossed-leg thing, what about people who are confined to a wheelchair or bed? Were they going to be judged? Well, perhaps not by a Higher Power; but probably by a few unenlightened individuals.

I am now committed to meditate in a variety of ways. Sometimes I will put a timer on for 5 minutes and just breathe. And if something (and many things do) passes through my mind I don’t get upset because I should have my head “empty” – as if! If it’s important I usually have a pen and paper or my iPhone close by and I’ll make note of it. I’ve even written on my hand! And then I get back to the breathing. Have you ever stopped to listen to yourself breathe? It is truly amazing. This wonder-full body just sucks air in and pushes it out….automatically! It doesn’t need an oil change every 10,000 kilometres. It doesn’t require the computer to be reset. It just happens. It’s wonderful. It really is. Gosh! Now I’m actually excited about BREATHING!

Other times I will go for a walk. I’ll suit up and put Gracie into a sweater and off we go. Usually I’ll have my iPhone plugged into my ears and Enya is playing…wonderful. And I just let my mind go…or not…depends on the day.

Then there’s a whole ‘new’ type of mediation out there called mindful awareness. Without going into a six-week online course in my blog let me tell you the secret of mindful awareness. It’s sooooooooo simple! First of all let me say, it’s not new at all. Just take time to be mindfully aware of your surroundings, your body and its doings, your mind and its chatter, your breath. Just BE. Stop doing and just BE. But you don’t have to stop and go into a state. You can be mindfully aware typing away at your laptop. I am doing this myself, right now. As I am ‘tuned in’ or mindfully aware of the people around me I can hear bits and bites of conversations. I am sending them Light and Energy. I am absorbing some of the wonderful energy coming to me too.

Pup until a few minutes ago there was a lady sitting beside me here in Starbucks. She was reading the paper and then asked me if I wanted to hear something funny. Without skipping a beat in my ‘mediation’ I said yes and listened while she read a short article to me. Her energy was lovely. But I also sensed that she wasn’t a big talker. It was just nice being aware of her presence, her energy, her spirit…I don’t even remember what the article was about now. It was her spirit that touched me.

I think if I had a favourite form of meditation…..I don’t have one. I like them all and am discovering new ways all the time for my spirit to commune with its Creator, with creation, even with the chattering monkey that is my mind.

Meditation 101. Simple. Easy. Just find what works of you and do it.

Blessings.


Meditation 101

Loneliness 101

Loneliness! is being called the modern plague. Here are some of the sources I found as I researched this blog post:

In 2010 the Mental Health Foundation found loneliness to be a greater concern among young people than the elderly. The 18 to 34-year-olds surveyed were more likely to feel lonely often, to worry about feeling alone and to feel depressed because of loneliness than the over-55s.

Source: The Guardian

 

Loneliness and Social Isolation in the United Kingdom

• 17% of older people are in contact with family, friends and neighbours less than once a week and 11% are in contact less than once a month (Victor et al, 2003)


• Over half (51%) of all people aged 75 and over live alone (ONS, 2010)


• Two fifths all older people (about 3.9 million) say the television is their main company (Age UK, 2014)


• 63% of adults aged 52 or over who have been widowed, and 51% of the same group who are separated or divorced report, feeling lonely some of the time or often (Beaumont, 2013)


• 59% of adults aged over 52 who report poor health say they feel lonely some of the time or often, compared to 21% who say they are in excellent health (Beaumont, 2013)


• A higher percentage of women than men report feeling lonely some of the time or often  (Beaumont, 2013)

Source: Campaign to End loneliness

OVER the last decade, the United States has become a less violent country in every way save one. As Americans commit fewer and fewer crimes against other people’s lives and property, they have become more likely to inflict fatal violence on themselves.

This trend is striking without necessarily being surprising. As the University of Virginia sociologist Brad Wilcox pointed out recently, there’s a strong link between suicide and weakened social ties: people — and especially men — become more likely to kill themselves “when they get disconnected from society’s core institutions (e.g., marriage, religion) or when their economic prospects take a dive (e.g., unemployment).” That’s exactly what we’ve seen happen lately among the middle-aged male population, whose suicide rates have climbed the fastest: a retreat from family obligations, from civic and religious participation, and from full-time paying work.

Source: The New York Times

 

 Suicide and Loneliness

by Kevin Caruso

If you are suicidal and feel intense loneliness, please get help for your suicidal feelings. Please take steps to be less lonely.

If you feel lonely and isolate yourself, your risk of suicide will increase.

So, get out and talk to people. You can talk with people in stores, at events, you name it. Open up to your friends and family.

Ask people questions. Be curious about them and what they do.

Talk.

Interact.

Share a laugh with someone.

Be with people.

And you may find yourself having fun!

The bottom line is, if you feel lonely, take steps so that you will not feel lonely any longer. Loneliness will only exacerbate your suicidal feelings.

If you are seeing a therapist, talk with him or her about your loneliness and ask for help.

If you aren’t seeing a therapist, I would strongly recommend that you make an appointment.

Take action to reduce your loneliness.

And remember that you are a great person.

You are awesome!

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If you or someone you know is suicidal, please go to the Home Page of this (Caruso’s) website for immediate help.

Thank you.

I love you.

Take care,
Kevin Caruso

Source: Suicide.org

 

When Loneliness is not Loneliness

It was only a few short weeks ago, just prior to Christmas actually, during a conversation with my daughter, Sarah, that I came to the harsh realization that there had been a huge change in my mood and that I needed to get some help. Having already been on that ‘special’ part of the roller coaster ride of attempted suicide no less than three times in my life, I knew that I needed to ask for help, including that of my children.

Apparently there was a particular day when I was extremely down that she was concerned that I would try self-harm. I’m very happy to say though, that a long time ago I have made a commitment to the Universe and thus my children that I will never leave that legacy to them.

Recently, around the same time actually, I worked at a funeral where the first parent (Mom) had died a few months earlier with cancer. Now the two adult children stood actually clinging to each other in the rain while their ‘church’ gathered around them, but only to quote platitudes and avoiding the whole painful subject because of their own belief system. But that doctrine is a blog for another time if interest is there. The terrible tragedy of it all was that the daughter had found her father after he’d used a shotgun. An image that would be burned into her mind until another life, likely. I will never forget the empty look in their eyes. It wasn’t pain. It wasn’t sorrow. It was utter emptiness. And only they, just the two of them, could feel it in the way they were feeling it.

Loneliness is a terrible plague. I say that emphatically! I say that passionately! I say that as an emergency!

When I actually looked at what was going on for me I realized, though, that it was NOT LONELINESS that was the culprit for my mood change. It was only a very small part of what was going on for me. Here is a list that I came to realize that was affecting me:

• Seasonal Affective Disorder


• My daily battle with physical pain


• Holiday Blues


• Financial Stress


• Career (or lack thereof) Stress


• A failed attempt at a relationship that fizzled after only 4 months


• A reoccurrence of my lifelong battle with Dysthymia


• Lack of exercise


• Poor diet. I had employed my sweet tooth overtime

It was, in fact, not loneliness that was the core issue, but that terrible ‘D’ word that carries so much stigma – even now in this day and age! That said, loneliness can then become a byproduct of depression. My Mum used to say that, ‘misery likes company’. It’s never been the way with me. It’s just the opposite. When I feel miserable I distance myself – even cut myself off completely. I don’t want people to ‘feel sorry for me’ or employ their ‘need to fix’ me. I also allow my Ego to come out to play because I don’t want to be seen in this weakened condition.

When Loneliness IS Loneliness

The truth of it is, that no matter the core issue, when someone is lonely, they are lonely.

I have been blessed to have people and resources come to my life, especially over the last 5 years, that have shown me that

• I could be and was lonely, even in a relationship


• I could be and was lonely, even in a successful workplace


• I could be and was lonely, even in a small or large group of people

Why is that? I can remember even as a child being on my own most of the time. I’ve never been a friend collector on Facebook. In fact I have only 157 friends if you go by that Facebook number. I know I have many more acquaintances, actually. I could easily site thousands of people whom I know and actually know me. But I wouldn’t call them, no they me, friends in the truest meaning of the word. Acquaintances, work mates, neighbours, maybe.

Why is it in an age when most of the population of the planet is or can be connected virtually, that we now have the worst loneliness and its resulting mental and physical and societal issues?

I’ve learned, I’m very sensitive to other people’s energy. You may even call it their mood (even if well disguised). I sense that. I am also very sensitive to all the people in a room.

I don’t do well at parties. Part of it is a slight hearing problem I’ve had all my life that reduces a group of people, hubbub and music to a lull of what sounds like a device boring a hole in the earth. But what I’ve come to realize is that I, if not careful including the use of alcohol or lack of rest or other factors, can feel bombarded by the host of energies.

Imagine 3 people in a room besides yourself. Imagine number 1 SCREAMING at the top of her lungs about her recent breakup with a dolt of a girlfriend/boyfriend. Imagine number 2 SCREAMING and POUNDING his fists because he’s excited about the new promotion, raise and cute secretary that comes with the raise. Imagine number 3 HAMMERING with a sledgehammer on a tin table because he’s trying not to say how upset he is at his wife for telling him he drinks too much at parties-just before the party! Now imagine 3 more people with 3 more ways of communicating; then 30 more!

It may seem overly dramatic to those of you who just experience a party as that…a party; fun, exciting, mixing, conversation and more. But for those of us who used to be called sensitives or wall flowers, a party can be a pillaging of our senses.

So I’ve actually come to like my time outs. I like being alone. Even if I feel lonely when alone, I often prefer it to going and joining some group like the aforementioned party. I didn’t know all that, though, until I found myself not in a relationship four years ago. At first it was Hell! Truly! The loneliness mixed with the grieving process was daunting. I tried ‘dating’ pretty quickly. That was a disaster! I attracted (energetically) almost the exact same personality I’d just left. I’m so grateful for a good spiritual counsellor and my own inner wisdom (once I chose to listen to it) because I realized I had to STOP! Take time out. BE ALONE. I got tired pretty quickly of being told to that “you just need to get laid. You need to get up on the horse again.” WHO needed me to do all that? Not me! I need more than that.

How often to you sit in your living room with all the lights off, TV off, laptop off, people off? I do it. I am suddenly aware of just how noisy our modern world is. Right now I’m sitting tapping away here. Gracie is sound asleep on her ‘princess heating pad’. Sarah is reading in her chair. There is supposed to be no noise. Yet, there is the noise of the fridge running, the tap-tap, moan and groan of the radiant heat. I can hear cars in the distance. And yes, there’s the tapping of my fingies on the keyboard. Now Gracie is having a bath. My blood pressure is up a wee bit so I can actually hear it in my ears!

For us to really thrive we need to be alone! You may disagree with that, as I would have four years ago. But now that I have done it, I realize how much I need to be alone in solitude. I can do whatever what that aloneness. I can write, type, meditate, snooze, read or simply BE. I absolutely looooooooove to sit by the sea and just be. I love the water. I am a Cancerian after all (the crab).

It’s not an easy equation this loneliness. When is it simply aloneness? When is it another emotional, spiritual or perhaps medical quotient in the equation? When IS loneliness just that…Loneliness? Only you can tell.

What has been so helpful to me is remembering that

• I am part of a created Universe (I do believe that). Therefore there is a Creator who is never far away. All I have to do is reach out.


• I am part of a created Universe with wonderful Light Beings like Angels, Guides, Helpers in the Heavenly realm. All I have to do is reach out.


• I am part of a created Universe with a pro-created family. All I have to do is reach out.


• I am part of a created Universe with acquaintances, friends, loved-ones. All I have to do is reach out.


• I am part of a created Universe with wonderful little creatures like my Gracie. Well I seldom have to reach out. She is always close by.


• I am never really alone. Sometimes I lack the things or people in my life for a few minutes, hours, perhaps days. But I am never truly alone.

So why do I/we get lonely? Only you can tell.

 

I hope that this rather long posting has brought you some insight, hope or direction. If you are lonely, depressed or somehow at the end of your seatbelt on the roller coaster please, please reach out. It’s really not so hard. Go and sit on a park bench if you’re not up to walking (as we can be when like that) and just smile at passers-by; don’t even speak. Or pick of the phone and call or at least text a colleague, friend, family member, loved one. You don’t even have to tell them your lonely or depressed if you don’t want to. Just talk about the weather. Ask them about them. It works! It really does.

Have you ever thought about volunteering?

I would also encourage you to get out your pen and paper (or keyboard) and create some lists. Some ideas:

• Who do I have in my life that are
  
  • friends
  
  
  • work mates
  
  
  • neighbours
  
  
  • people at the grocery store
  
  
  • parents
  
  
  • siblings
  
  
  • children
  
  
  • adopted family members
  
  
  • besties
  
  
  • ministers, counsellors, or the like???
  
  


• Who do I have in my life that may be feeling lonely too? Or for those of you who are not lonely right now, may be lonely and you know it or sense it?


• What has changed in my life in the last few days, weeks, months, even years, that has been a mitigating factor in this?


• What can I ‘fix’?


• What can I get help to ‘fix’ from list number 1?


• What needs to go on the ‘to fix’ list for now and must be dealt with; but the resources aren’t there just now?


• What dream have you lost?


• What dream can be recaptured?


• What dream needs to be buried, either literally or otherwise. Perhaps writing a letter and burying it, washing it, burning it, mailing it, placing it in a special prayer box is needed?


• What can you do to move on, either right now, or pretty quickly? What will it take? Who will you take on that ride with you?

Last Loneliness Thoughts

If you see someone who seems depressed, not just having a bad day or even week, but for an extended time, talk to them. You may be the only real honesty and real caring they’ll feel.

If you are that person find whatever way you need or works for you and press on. Maybe you need to make that call for professional help.

There is a young man who has courageously ‘come out’ about his on-going battle with depression and now even has a stand up comedy routine. His name is Kevin Breel. This is his website.  Take a minute and see him on YouTube here. He has also done a TED Talk here. His Facebook page is here. And of course, last but not least, his Twitter is @kevinbreel.

When it comes down to brass tacks, yes we all could do with a bit of alone time. Yes we all feel lonely from time to time. Yes we all do or statistically will feel depressed at some point. Please don’t be lonely alone. Reach out. Remember that booze, drugs (even prescribed ones-unless there is a chemical issue), sex, any avoidance technique will only cover it all up…for now. But the poopy smell from the elephant in the room will still be there unless you shovel it up and even perhaps shoot that damn elephant once and for all…and not yourself.

Remember you are part of a created universe.

You is special!

God don’t make no junk!

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I’d love to hear from you. Drop me a quick…or long-winded email if you like. James@LifesRollerCoaster.com

Loneliness 101

What's Next?

Those who’ve followed me for a while now will have seen me refer to an event that happened to me back in March/April 2010. I don’t think I’ve shared details like I am about to. Although, I still am leaving out a lot of detail purposely, because that’s how forgiveness works! I had really started to listen to my intuitive voice at that point in time. I was able to ‘read’ people and situations much clearer than I’d ever done before. I was meditating regularly (again, as I’ve said many times – not with my legs crossed saying “Ohmmmmm”).

I sensed back then that there was change coming. Little did I realize what that change was and where it would take me. I’m glad, in retrospect. It’s been a real roller coaster ride. I was given a strong sense, this particular day, that I was deeply connected to the ‘great toll free number’ (God, Universe, Spirit, Creator…) And I was surprised this day to ‘hear a voice’ (no I’m not mentally unstable). What I heard has remained embedded in my mind ever since. “James, in three to five years, your life will look VERY different to what it does now.” And it would be repeated again and again in the following weeks. It was as if a sacred contract had been written and I was just being made aware of it. For more on Scared Contracts I recommend Caroline Myss’ book by the same name.

On my birthday, a few weeks after that event, July 1, my partner of 9.5 years would propose marriage. I was blown away! He had always made it clear that he didn’t believe in the institution of marriage, especially within the GLBTQI community. I knew this was the beginning of the change. But as I already said, “Had I known what was coming…….” A few weeks later, on September 19th, we were married in a beautiful outdoor ceremony with our closest friends and family present.

Fast forward to July 31, 2011 (about ten months). I can remember getting up that morning and checking to make sure everything was packed. My three kids were on their way over to help me move out. I said goodbye to my husband. He went downstairs to the salon to work his usual Saturday. After he went out the door I collapsed, literally, into a puddle of tears. It was over! I knew it. I knew I would never be coming back to my home of 10 ½ years. The bridge had been burnt for the final time and I wasn’t willing to try anymore. I can remember hearing that same voice say to me, “James, you can’t let the kids see you like this. They need to know you’ve made the ‘right’ choice.”

Fast forward, again, to year three (2013). My consulting business had pretty much closed due to the economy and how it was affecting charities. My health had gotten to the point that working was not possible – at least not without a huge price. At this three-year mark I was forced to go onto disability. It was also around the same time that I started to write this blog. I knew it was temporary. But it was a blow nonetheless.

Fast forward, once last time, to now – just coming into year five. My health has returned. I am well and strong and able to work. I have been working part-time (sometime full-time hours) at a local funeral chapel. The hours are unreliable and the wage is not enough to sustain me even at full-time. The past three months Provincial Disability has seen fit to only allow me $166.00. It has been by miracle after miracle that the rent was paid, groceries bought and bills covered. I say it because it’s true; if not for my daughter living with me  and sharing costs (sometimes covering until payback) I would not have this comfortable apartment to live in.

So for the last several months (close to a year now) I have been searching for work that will sustain me and bring about financial stability and independence again. It has been another roller coaster ride to be honest, both emotionally and financially.

When I moved out on my own I set up a list of what I felt needed to happen before I’d ever even consider a relationship again. I also stated what I desired in a relationship. Except for one short reminder last autumn I have stayed true to that list. I am left with two items – both interrelated and necessary to complete the list: Work! Work that is not going to suck the energy out of my psyche/soul. Work that is going to pay a goodly amount so that I can have independence and pride again. Work that remains illusive for a variety of factors. I am one of those lucky people who has seen a great diversity of work in my professional life, although all somewhat similar in skills and qualifications. I have a strong C.V.. But I lack a degree to back up all that I’ve already accomplished professionally. Now you and I know that this just doesn’t make sense. I have done the work for 25+ years. Yet I still need a degree to prove I can do the work!!! It has been very frustrating, even knowing this is the way it is supposed to be. It is the contract I agreed to.

When I’ve applied for work that is not up to the level of work I’ve previously done I am not hired because the potential employer sees me staying a short time until I find more suitable work. Fair point. When I apply for work I am skilled to do I’m told that I have a lot of experience; but not qualification (degrees).

So during this last week I have been recollecting on this wild, wild roller coaster ride and how this particular journey began almost five years ago. I feel anxious because I know I need to move forward or the cost is going to be extensive to me yet again. I am excited because I believe that what is coming is going to be the most beneficial experience for my life. Terrified, because ultimately I have no control on how this will play out. Panicked because I may just fall flat on my face yet again. And, admittedly, terrified that I may actually have success!

Isn’t that a weird and wonderful paradox: Scared to fail and scared to succeed? “Why is that?” I ask myself. Why am I afraid to fail? Well that’s pretty obvious. But why am I afraid to succeed? Well like most people, even though life is very uncomfortable right now, it is what I know. I’ve lived in this discomfort for nearly five years now. And moving into a new unknown is very intimidating to anyone, unless they are of the adventurous type (and even they, if honest, would admit some reticence.) Having confessed that, though. I know I’m ready. I’m ready to leave behind this part of my life. I’m ready to leave behind the sadness, worry, anxiety. I’m ready to move forward. I’m ready to have change. I’m ready to change. It’s my turn!

My email signature says it all. I was inspired to start using it during the last five years. Little did I realize that it really does mean what it means.

Change is the only constant in life.

..GROW with it.

…GO with it.

….EMBRACE it.

…..CAUSE it.

…….Life is a Journey

What's Next?

Milla Brown - I Just Want People To Accept Me For Who I am.

I sat down at the computer a while ago wondering what I would write today. I know I haven’t been very regular at this in the last months. That is just the way it is with the roller coaster ride. Sometimes you’re up; sometimes you’re down. Sometimes the ride is exciting; sometimes the ride has nothing overly special to talk about.

Anyhow! I came across this story in a Facebook group I recently joined. It is a group where people who grew up in the same faith as I did come together to support those still in that faith and those of us not. One wonderful soul posted this story of the brave Milla Brown; a child with gender dysphoria and his battle to be the boy he is.

Now I know, as do many who know me, I am a softy. So this touched me. I was all teary eyed of course. So will you be…

‘I just want people to accept me for who I am’ – National – NZ Herald News

Everybody is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Remember to be kind always.

Milla Brown - I Just Want People To Accept Me For Who I am.

Family Day - February 2015

Just a very few years ago, British Columbia joined other provinces in Canada to create a new holiday (or as it is from the original Holy-day). Today, February 9th, 2015 is Family Day.

Just over thirty years ago (I can hardly believe it) someone stepped into my life just at the best possible moment, and shifted my thinking about being a parent, forever. I was ‘afraid’ of ever being a parent because I didn’t believe I had any parenting skills and hadn’t had the best mentoring to be a parent.

Susan was patiently persistent. On April 6th, 1988 (only 1 month & 28 days from now) Michelle​ came into our life. Being the first of three she endured all the bumps and scrapes that come with a novice and goof for a Dad. Then on May 8th, 1992, Sarah​ came onto the scene. Then the following year on April 1, 1993, Tim​ would join the brood. Yes all their birthdays are within a month of each other. Although, had it gone according to the plan, Tim would have been born the first week of May. But being the ‘fool’ that he is (the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree they say) he chose to surprise us on April 1!

As an aside and a TMI moment (or perhaps a TIM moment), Tim was born on the same day that I was scheduled to have a vasectomy. It never happened. Phew! I dodged that bullet.

I said just last night, to Sarah, that the three of them (Michelle, Sarah & Tim) are the reason I made it through these last 4+ years…and Gracie too! She makes me laugh every time I see her belt down the hallway going out and coming in from her necessary out-of-door visits.

Although Susan and I have not been together for half of those 30 years now, I cannot express my gratitude, my joy, my admission to her being correct.

Being an awesome parent doesn’t mean that you’re perfect. There’s only one ‘parent’ in the Universe who carries that title.

Being an awesome parent doesn’t mean that there aren’t bumps and scrapes while on the roller coaster of life.

Being an awesome parent does mean that you show up and be the best parent you can be.

Being an awesome parent does mean that when you see you lack in a skill, you learn it.

Being an awesome parent cannot be…without awesome kids.

I love each of you. You terrified me when you came into my life. You honoured me and continue to honour me with this overwhelming title – Parent, Father, Dad….and goof.


Family Day - February 2015

Life Happens

Life’s a funny thing. Growing up I had no fantasy that life was easy. It was difficult for me as far back as I could remember. What was a fantasy was that there were so many people out there that had it sooooooo easy and all I had to do was find the magic that they knew. You know the ones, “The Secret is just to manifest the great things that you can have…” “Just follow my 10 step plan to success!” “The world is at your feet, seize the day!”

Through my forties I attended a ton of workshops, read a ton of books, articles and information. I bought in with all my heart, soul and mind that all I had to do was what they told me. But wealth never came. I have faced bankruptcy once and more recently a Consumer Proposal to avoid bankruptcy. I have been married to an addict with many addictions. I believed that all I had to do was “be me” and all the rest would fall into place.

The past 5 years of my life have been the most challenging of my life. Thus the birth of this blog, Life’s Roller Coaster. Life is a roller coaster. There are the ups and the downs, the laughter and the tears, the rush of adrenaline and the deep, dark, secret called depression.

I have dealt with a painful breakup and a vindictive divorce. I have lost my home and my treasured garden. I have had a great income and no income. I have had bright days and yes the darkest of days.

I remember from my church days hearing the verse (or rather platitude) that God will not send you more than you can endure. First of all that’s based in I Corinthians 10:13 which refers to temptation not the painful times of life. That’s why I say platitude. Often well-meaning people in our lives struggle as they watch us struggle. They struggle because they don’t know what to do or say that could help. So they say something that is just not helpful. Using this particular verse insinuates that God sends us the painful times in our lives. What????!!!! And then, if we are to believe that God has indeed done this to us, that we are to believe that God will also find a way out of it for us!

My problem with this and many platitudes is that they first of all foist blame. Why should anyone be blamed for the lows on the roller coaster? Do we blame God for a child born with a terminal illness? Or do we blame the child? Or do we blame the parents? Or do we blame…..you fill in the blanks.

Secondly, not only does it promote blame; it promotes a lack of personal power. Yes it’s good to acknowledge that there is a power greater than me. But would that power really expect me to wait and be rescued from the swimming pool of life when I already know how to swim to the side of the pool? My Mum taught me early on that “God helps them who helps themselves.”

So instead of abdicating our power to someone or something, we should take that God-given power back and make good use of it. There is the reality that we live in a broken world, in broken bodies that “suffer” (another abdication of personal power wording) illness (mental and physical), go through rough patches, get hurt in many ways. That’s just life!

Sometimes the roller coaster is terrifying. For me, when I used to go to the amusement parks, the more terrifying the ride, the more likely I was to ride it. Part way through I thought I was going to barf, or worse – die! But I still did it. In fact I would do it over and over and over again. Why? Ultimately I knew I’d be okay. Kinda like life: I knew I had it in me to make it to the end, because there are lots more rides in the park. And there were so many others like me. I wasn’t alone…ever!

So I’ve learned to stop blaming anyone, whether it’s God or Goddess, The Universe or Higher Power. I’ve stopped abdicating my power and have taken it back. I choose which ride I go on. I choose to enjoy or be terrified. I choose to eat junk food before the ride, or not, knowing full well the results.

Yes, I still believe in God. Yes, I still believe that there is a power greater than me that I can draw from. And that’s the key – I can draw from. I choose to wallow or I choose to swim to the side of the pool and get out. Sometimes it takes longer than others. Sometimes it isn’t as easy as I may make it sound.

Sometimes life happens….


Life Happens

Letting off Steam

A familiar expression? This weekend I’ve been enjoying a to visit Harrison Hot Spring with my Son. It is thought that the purpose of hot springs like these and like others around the planet, is to help the earth to let off steam; not just provide us with a wonderful place to luxuriate. Apparently it helps the tectonic plates as they shift; preventing major earthquakes.

Well whatever the reason, this weekend isn’t about lessons in geology for me. It’s just about me being able to visit a positively gorgeous place and experience something that I’ve always been so curious about. Having said that it isn’t what I expected. I pictured in my mind basically a hole in the ground where people are gathering in hot water and just feeling the healing waters flow (picture on the left). Was I ever off with that picture. As you can see from the picture (to the right) it is all modernized. cool the waters so you can get into them without burning. In fact, only about ten minutes from HHS Resort they have a fenced off former bathhouse where the water is apparently so hot that you can be burned. I think the sign said it was about 140 degrees fahrenheit.

Apparently they even

Now get this. I was so sleepy since late morning that I fell asleep in our room for most of the afternoon. Seems I’d taken my night-time meds this morning. Duh! So, yes, I’ve not yet gotten into the water. Silly, I know. However, I could actually get used to this way of living; staying in nice hotels in nice locations. I can eat when I want and what I want (except for a few things that our Tim is having trouble pronouncing at his dinner right now – he texted me). Right now I’m sitting in the coffee shop enjoying a very rich brownie and a nice soya chai latte while I type. I’ll save room for supper later. Or maybe I’ll do as I did last night and enjoy dinner late in the lounge.

I subscribe to the daily word from Conversations with God Author, Neale Donald Walshe. A couple of days ago he sent me  this message: Your soul says to do what brings you joy this weekend! No judgments! I’m not sure if that was pre-mix up meds or after. But I’m enjoying myself anyhow. Good for letting off steam!

Letting off Steam

Be Present and In the Moment...

…even if you don’t want to! Especially if you don’t want to.

I woke up this morning feeling really down. That’s not all that unusual for the last few months. I have been doing battle with depression as many of you know. It has been hard to see any positives in life. It has caused my creative energy to be completely blocked. The last couple of weeks have seen improvement though.

Now I’m not someone to wallow in misery. I don’t like it! I don’t like the way I feel, physically, emotionally and spiritually. So what do I mean about being present in the moment? Especially the moments that are so difficult to just breathe in, let alone be present in.

For me, being present has been my biggest challenge these last few weeks especially. I have done all the things that I was told while growing up in order to do to banish the blues that. I have reached out to others who are ‘suffering’ and helped to lift them. I have distracted myself with work, TV, reading, listening to Audible books (especially spiritual writings). Then I’ve tried a few newer things in my toolbox like getting support from Loved Ones, professionals, meditation, prayer, journaling and others. I have learned the hard and painful way that sometimes those whom I thought were a safe harbour just didn’t even want to be present to me. I learned to retrace and find my boundaries both personally and professionally. I have confided and been betrayed. I have reached out and found no lifeline. I have locked myself away and just wasted. I have prayed, meditated, read, practiced what I read. I have been doing the 40-day gratitude challenge with Melody Beattie, Make Miracles in Forty Days: Turning What You Have into What You Want. Today, is day 35 (5 days to 40).

Yet here I am, still battling something that seems to have no end. I hang onto the promise I had just under 5 years ago. As I approach the 5-year mark I grow both more excited and fearful: Excited that this dark journey will soon be over. Fearful that it may not be and that I may have been totally out-to-lunch when I heard it back in 2010.

I have also been reading a great book that my Doctor had recommended, The Untethered Soul, by Michael A. Singer. I have been learning that I can still feel all the feelings, witness all the pain, feel joy in the moment, all basically by standing back and observing the moment like a movie staying detached, non-judging, listening and feeling but with the knowledge that although I am experiencing, feeling, that I don’t have to be dragged down by it. Sort of like watching a high drama TV show.

So, back to today – the moment. I was driving to see my Doctor today. I was listening to Google giving me directions to his other medical centre and growing frustrated because I was going to be late. I was also feeling frustrated that I’d have to text my son with undesired news. I was called in, reviewed and dismissed all in about 15 minutes. I was floored. I was already feeling like $h1t. I thought he would be of some sort of help.

Last week, my son, Tim had said he was going on a working retreat to Harrison Hot Springs for next weekend. I felt my spirit jump. Then I worked out all the costs and realized that it was beyond me. So I gave up. Then my son offered to cover some of my expenses. But it was still out of my budget. It seemed ‘wrong’ (my judgement call) that I would even consider the expense after not giving Christmas gift due to budgetary constraints. So on Friday night I prayed. Yes I do pray! My prayer life looks very different to what it used to. I asked that if my spirit jumped for a good reason (a writing retreat) then the means to get there and ability to stay there would happen.

This morning was the deadline for me. I wanted to be fair and give Tim notice. So after my Doctor’s appointment I texted him and told him I wouldn’t be able to go. Then he called me not five minutes later, having NOT seen my text, with the news I wasn’t going. I was stunned! I really don’t understand why I am still stunned by miracles; but I am. My room is covered. All I have to do is cover my ferry costs and meals. Well meals will be easy because I can take some non-perishables with me and still enjoy one or two out.

So this is what I have observed about being in the moment this time:

• First, I realized that this was beyond my means. It would take a miracle.


• Second, I made my request without being attached to any particular outcome. “Thy will be done”. 


• Third, I spent the time between my prayer and its answer just going about the daily tasks without worrying or manipulating what I wanted. I remained present in the moment and not in a desired future, which would only cause me anxiety.


• Fourth, when it looked like the answer was no, I let it go and spoke my current truth.


• The result was that Tim had a new plan that had come together completely unexpectedly and he was able to be part of the miracle I had asked for.

So why was I feeling down this morning? Does that not show I was not living in the moment? Well I could judge all of that; and have often done so, in the past. But instead I observed my mood change, and just went about my day without attaching it to anything. It just was! It’s okay to feel sad when something happens that we don’t want or like. Be present to it, but don’t judge it (or more importantly judge myself).

 

Be Present and In the Moment...

In With The New & Out With The Old

That’s an expression I can well remember from my childhood. I still hear it from time to time. But not that often anymore.

When we think about New Year’s we often hope that the succeeding year will be a better one; especially if the passing year wasn’t what we had hoped for. Rarely does time explicitly mark a good year from a bad year. It just doesn’t work that way.

In her Christmas speech from The Throne in 1992 (the year of Princess Diana’s untimely death) Queen Elizabeth II called the passing year her annus horribilis. I’m sure for all concerned it was a horribly difficult year to get through. So much changed that year for the Royals.

Yet even though 1992 was not the year they had planned, or wished for, they poured their energies into moving forward immediately without waiting for 1993. There were two young lads who needed some reason to get up in the morning again. They needed to find a new normal.

Fast forward some 23 years, that annus horribilis, as terrible as it was has transformed the Royal Family, Great Britain’s view of the Royal Family, how the Royal Family would respond in-turn to such events in the future, and how events like that accident are broadcast. I recall that, for the most part, the media coverage had a very respectful air to it. I know it wasn’t 100% so. But then again, there will always be those who are out to make the big buck for the perfect shot or story.

I doubt, though, that when Queen Elizabeth II named that year, that she really believed that January 1, 1993 would be the dividing line that would make everything go back to normal. The truth is that nothing went back to normal ever again. The Royals, the country, the world changed at that moment and nothing was the same afterward. We all found a new normal.

There is so much that can be said about a global consciousness or other spiritual or philosophical ideas. I’ll leave that for another time, perhaps. Princess Diana’s death was just one example of this principal, and probably the first person to affect the global consciousness in such an impactful way. Other events that did this were the precursors to both world wars, many smaller wars, the depression, the Nazi rise and fall, etc. But the way Princess Diana’s death affected the world had very different results as compared to the others just mentioned. But like I said, that’s for another blog post.

What I really want to drive home today is that the marker we call New Year’s Day, today, January 1, 2015, isn’t really a game changing moment. It is actually just another day in the life of….(you fill in the blank). Today is usually used for the start of New Year’s Resolutions like dieting, exercise, ending habits, making those changes that we so very much want. We have all done it and all discovered that these promises to ourselves seldom have the results we want or need.

Take the example of the alcoholic or addict. How many do you know of actually marked January 1 as the game changer for them? What happened, or changed, happened and changed in the moment that they realized that change was not only necessary, but attainable.

It is exactly the same for any other ordinary or extraordinary life changing moment; it happens because we are present in the present. We release the past and the future and choose to live in the moment, the present. That is the aha! moment. That is the game changer.

So if you are looking to make a change in your life. Realize that it doesn’t happen today just because it’s January 1, 2015. It happens because you are in the moment, letting go of all the pain of the past and the dreams for the future. You can still use January 1 as that marker. In fact if that was your plan anyhow, do it! But don’t place any magic or power in this date. Place it in the truth that is yours in this moment, forever more.

In With The New & Out With The Old