It’s the Small Things

You know how we tend to worry about the small things. You know, those pesky details, perhaps in our latest project at work: “Did I do…?” “What if I didn’t…?” “What if he/she/they forgot..?” Or perhaps, “Of course! It’s my only day off in weeks and it’s cloudy!” Or, “God! I wish he’d learn to pick his socks up off of the floor!!! That’s what a laundry hamper is for!”

Well for me, right now, three weeks post, I find it’s the little things that I miss about my Gracie. Me coming out in the morning to find her laying on her doggie heating pad, snuggled into the beautiful red plush blanket. I would hear her before I saw her actually. As soon as I opened my door I’d hear a couple of ‘thump, thumps’ of her wee red and black ringed tail, and then the full-out tail crashing as she rolled over on her back and stretched for all she was worth begging for me to rub her tender, soft belly. I miss that little blonde patch on her back!

I also miss hearing the “pft, pft” sound that her pads made on the rug as she followed me around. I miss her scent! She always smelled so clean and baby-like, unless she was nervous or sick. I think Grace had only as many baths as she had years! Even then that was a blast! She would be so good in the sink, albeit rigid like an ironing board. Then I’d wrap her up in a big fluffy towel and give her a good rub, put her down on the tile floor for a slight slip and she’d go nuts rubbing herself on the rug and sniffing and sneezing.

But the small thing I miss the most? It’s her gentle energy as she would lie either on the heating pad or snuggled under a blanket beside me. Her quiet breathing. He gentle rising and falling belly as she slept soundly. The occasional whimper as she chased after a ball in her sleep. The quiet!

Oddly, it’s still quiet. But it’s missing something. It’s an empty quiet, if you know what I mean. It’s definitely getting better. I don’t cry at the drop of a hat now. In fact it’s been several days now since I cried at all. Funny! I just thought, the title to this entry, It’s the small things. She was small. Usually less than 10 pounds.

It’s different now than three weeks ago, though. Now I’m thankful for those small things. I’m thankful for the joy she brought me. I’m thankful for the early days alone when she’d bring me a torn up toy to play to literally shake me out of a funk. I’m thankful for the moments I had with her laying on the beach in Sechelt a few summers back. She was snuggled next to me in the scorching sun. She loved the sun. Like father like……Gracie. I had to set up a little tent that day with her green blanket and on the car blanket I carry with me in. But she was determined to be right beside me, even though I was wet with sweat and it was a bit uncomfortable.

This past Wednesday, Sarah and I went back to the Duncan Animal Hospital to pick up Gracie’s urn. We’ve decided not to bury her ashes. We’ve decided that we want to keep her in the urn. We’ve also decided to have a small memorial ceremony on June 26th, presided over by a fellow Life-Cycle Celebrant™. I’ve never been one who advocates keeping cremated remains of a person. But somehow, this is different. It’s Gracie.

It’s just one of those small things!

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