Every Soul Is A Mirror

I’ve heard it said over and over again that relationships are about learning or that relationships are a mirror of ourselves. Over the last few years I have done a lot of study and work around relationships; the mystery of, the joy of, the reasons for, good ones, not so good ones, ‘failed’ ones, and so on.

But what I have experienced as my truth is that I learn from every relationship I have, whether that be a businesses relationship, acquaintance, friendship, intimate (even though I haven’t had one of those in a long time now), and even my children. Oh and let’s not forget animals too.

I have learned that often times we seem to be attracted to the antithesis (big word? = opposite) of what we’d expect or are. Why is this? Well they say that opposites attract. And to a certain extent that can be true. But often a quite person is attracted to a more outgoing person because they wish to experience that outgoing-ness in a safe relationship. Sometimes he may want her to draw him out so that he can be more fun.

Sometimes we are drawn to abusive types too. This used to be a conundrum for me. I think I understand it now. I can lay all kind of layers of psycho-babble to it. But simply put, we are drawn to abusive people because we often have that as a disowned self. For more on disowned selves I recommend any reading by Doctors Hall and Sidra Stone (Wikipedia Link, their website, Amazon). They have written a great deal of material around this subject and how it relates to relationships as well. Excellent Reading!

When we become aware of the various parts of our own psyche we can integrate them into ourselves and own them all. We then become more balanced and when we enter into any relationship we then can realize and see ourselves in other people and learn from that. We can also become so much more compassionate about other people and their shortcomings because we feel safe admitting that deep down we know we have shortcomings to…perhaps even the same ones.

Being a parent is the best classroom someone can ever be in, I think. I have learned so much from my kids. They have taught me patience (after many, many temper tantrums…and I don’t mean theirs). They have taught me unconditional love. They have taught me the value of discipline (I don’t mean the corporal type I mean self-discipline). They have taught me to be strong, to rely on them and others when the need be.

MY TRUTH: I hope one day to have another chance at an intimate relationship too. There is so much I want to do differently. But more than that, I hope to one day have that safe place where learning about self and someone close it wonderful and supportive and ongoing. But for now, every time I look at someone else instead of projecting myself onto them I try to see them as a mirror of my own soul.

 

Every Soul Is A Mirror