My Mum used to say, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". She used to quote it like it was a Bible verse. The origin of this saying has been assigned from the saint to the poet. It doesn't matter, really. I have a better understanding of intention now than I did when my Mum was alive.
As the title suggests there are three things on this continuum. There is wish. There is intention. There is manipulation. All of us flow between these three throughout our lives. I may wish to have a clean house…and stop there. Or I may intend that I will spend an hour cleaning house. Or I may express myself in a way that will manipulate someone else to clean the house.
Intention is mixed with emotion and desire. Wishing is fanciful. Manipulation is controlling, damaging, about trying to change another person.
If we really desire something we must start by looking at that wish and seeing what we intend to do about it. That may include saving money, working longer/harder, seeking assistance (not by manipulating). It may mean making it known to yourself, a trusted friend and the Universe; then letting it go because at the present time that is the only thing that you can do. Perhaps the resources are just not there presently to make it so. By letting it go, you allow the Universe to work its wonders to equip you for intention.
It is when we try to change someone or do/say things that cause someone to be something that they truly aren't that it becomes manipulation. We've all done it! We've all gotten into relationships or friendships with the goal of changing someone's behaviour or way of being. We've all used the passive aggressive statements that garner attention, sympathy or reaction. This is manipulation at it's finest (or is it worst?).
We've all been on the receiving end of manipulation or someone else's good intentions. Think about it for a moment. Recall that situation and person to your mind right now. How did you feel when you were being manipulated, even if it was their perception that is was for your own good? So why do we have the right to do it to others when we don't like it being done to us?
Why do we remain in manipulative situations and relationships? There is usually a reason, positive purpose or pay out for us, even if that pay out is more pain so that we can remain as a victim or "safe" (better the devil you know than the devil you don't mentality). I've done it. So have you. So why not step into your/my own power and end that abusive relationship? I have, and I would encourage you to do it too. It is the most powerful and liberating thing you may do.
The last three years of my life has been about letting go of non-beneficial relationship/situations that do not serve me in the way that I have intended for myself. As part of this I've also learned to let go of controlling in the relationships/situations. Everyone, like me, like you, has their journey to live. Who am I that I could try to control that experience for another? It just isn't respectful. It's just another form of manipulation, even if it's wrapped in the pretty gift paper called protection or help. It's not always been easy or even what I thought I desired. But since I have intended to live my life in every way in integrity the Universe has conspired to bring that intention to be.
Examine your relationships. Are you in any way manipulating or being manipulated? Can you move from wishing to intention without manipulating? If so, wonderful! If not re-examine. Remember that real love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13: 4ff.
Perhaps wishing is where you are right now; as long as it doesn't go to the polar opposite. There's nothing wrong with having wishes or dreams. In many ways they are what get us through the tough times.
If we want to have wishes move forward and become reality we must move into intention. How? Sit down and see if that wish is really beneficial to/for you. If it is, then how can you make it so? It is in the setting up of the action that causes it to move from a wish (dream) to intention (goal). This may mean a small change or huge adjustment in your life. You can't get the ball into the end field with just wishing, you have to take action! If you really desire something, and you know it's the best thing for you, then the only way to get it is by letting go of the wish and moving into willingness to be/do something different.
My Truth: In all my relationships, whether personal or professional, especially over the last 2 - 3 years, I have chosen to really examine where I fit on the scale of wish to manipulation. Am I just dreaming, hoping that they could change? Am I being/doing anything to cause/allowing my wish to become reality? Or am I trying to manipulate something/someone to see may way? I used to have a boss whose mantra was "you have to push the river". That's manipulation! (He also loved typing emails that were capitalized or had lots of !!!) I'm learning that the harder I try to change someone/something through manipulation (even if I believe it's for their own good), the bigger the disappointment. I can only choose to change me. So the road to Heaven is paved with good wishes and intention. The road to Hell is paved with manipulation.
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