Watching other people grieve when you yourself are going through a grieving process is actually very enlightening. I have always maintained that if you feel hard done by then go and volunteer at a community centre or seniors residence or centre. You can usually get your perspective back.
I also counsel that way because in most people’s experience, when you feel down, working with those who are usually worse off, helps you to feel better.
Christmas is a difficult time for many. Not only for the lonely, alone, recently bereaved, etc… But that thing that hits us all at the most inconvenient time called Grief. Grieving is a natural process. And all to often we apply it to the most tumultuous times in our lives, such as a recent death. But the fact is we all grief to some degree for many things. It may well be a death, or job loss, or change in life circumstances, or being passed by for a promotion and/or raise. It is said that grieving is necessary to let go of the past and move into the present with perspective to the future.So when we put that into practice something as simple as losing your favourite pen is an opening for grief to bring about healing from even that seemingly simple loss. I know that sounds extreme. But it’s not when you realize that grieving doesn’t have to include the extreme emotions set out by the Kübler-Ross model, Grief is about letting go period! And we all need to let go of things, people and situations in our lives. The stages that Ms. Kugler-Ross sets out still apply. They may not even be noticed because the loss is so minute. But they still apply.
But let’s step back for a moment to Christmas and the Grieving. I am talking here about those who have lost someone or something dear to them and are having to face a difficult holiday either because their circumstances have changed or they find themselves alone/lonely on this day.
Deaths tend to increase during this time of year. Why is that? Grief! Plain and simple. Whether it be the simple process of someone elderly or terminally ill letting and dying or the tragedy that comes with people trying to escape this life.
This year is perhaps one of the three most difficult Christmas times in my adult life. So how do I cope? How do I not become a statistic? How do I get through it all? Here are some of the things that have helped me:
- No matter how proud you are, don’t do it alone. Get help – professionally if you must. There is no shame in asking your Doctor for help. And your records are private.
- No matter how alone you think you are, you’re not! Stop! Take a few deep breaths! Look around! Write down the people in your life, right from the most undesirable to the most desirable. You may be surprised that they are hiding behind a mask – LIKE YOU! You may be surprised by what will happen when you reach out.
- Set goals for every day. I find that when I have a sense of accomplishment – even it is only getting the dishes done – that I feel better. The more goals I can set and accomplish, the better. But be careful. If you’re an over achiever like I have been in my life, smack yourself….no, no, be gentle (that was Mr. A-Type being channeled from the past). Set realistic goals. And if you don’t get there, so what!
- Get outside. For heaven’s sake. We all know that staring at four walls day in and day out is boring. Well, if you’re feeling blue or depressed it’s a killer. Get out into nature, breathe, walk, say hello to that cute little wiener dog coming towards you…oh and their master too.
- Most of all. Most importantly. Remember this: This too shall pass (like a bowel movement), especially if you do some of the things that you find can get you through.
Remember, you can be even more lonely in a room full of people than in a room by yourself. Find a confident. Find someone who will not shame you, but help you through it.
I came across a young man who understands depression. He has blown away all the stigma that could have surrounded him and kept him down. His name is Kevin. Go to his site and have a listen…..oh and a laugh too. He is an Old Soul who has been ‘gifted’ to show us how to do it. http://www.kevinbreel.com.
Finally, please, please, reach out! Don’t give up! You are really loved! You really are needed. This journey may be a difficult one right now. But it is the journey that your soul has chosen, even if it seems crazy. Take power in that – You chose this journey ever before you were born. And you are among many others who are on the same journey.
Bless you.
Dedication
I dedicate this to those who I consider my rock: My wonderful kids, one of whom reminded me that this Christmas I was to just sit back and receive; that I have given so much in the past. Michelle, Sarah, and Tim. I love you guys. To my Soul Sister, Nicola: Bless you! You know how to make me laugh…just by showing up. The Light we share is made so much brighter when you’re there. And, lastly, but certainly not least, Gracie, my 6 ½ year old Dachshund. Just waking behind you as you run and watch your ears fly in all directions and your bottom bounce wildly makes me wonder how you ever get to where you’re going. But you’ve helped me to get there.
Good Grief! Christmas...
Robert Green “Bob” Ingersoll was a Civil War veteran, American political leader, and orator during the Golden Age of free thought, noted for his broad range of culture and his defence of agnosticism. He was nicknamed “The Great Agnostic.”
Is there something in your life that you really want? Is there a goal that you’re trying to reach? Is there a place you want to travel to? Are you looking for a relationship? Sometimes we see the Universe, or God, as some sort of Supernatural Santa Claus. But that’s just not true. It would be nice if it was.
I often say I can tolerate a fool. But I have no time for liars! At least a fool has an excuse for being who they are. But lying is calculated and planned out. It has to be. Even if it’s on the spur of the moment the calculation is “Lie=self preservation+time to run+time to lie some more to cover this lie”.