Dreamers, Greatness & Choice

I used this gem back in October 2013. I didn’t say very much about it; only one or two sentences. In life we have many choices. We can choose greatness or not. We can choose this person or that person to be romantically involved with. We can choose this career or that career. We can choose to drive a Chevy or a VW. The list of choices is endless really. And we tend to judge ourselves and others, especially loved ones, by the choices we make. Even making no choice at all is a choice.



So many of us have been caught up in the ‘greatness’  charismatic movements over the last few years because we feel that we are NOT making the right choices. We are not living with great wealth. We are in a career that sucks us dry instead of fills us with joy. We are with the wrong mate for whatever reason. We are obviously failing with our choices because we don’t have the millions in the bank, the BMW, the mansion, the other properties, the……

I know, because I’ve been caught up in some of these movements, even though my heart was screaming at me to run the other way. In trying to create wealth all I did was create debt by buying all the CD’s, courses, and ‘tools’ needed to succeed. In the last few years I have realized a new meaning to success. First of all, I realized that the way success looks to each of us is as different as the faces who see it. I am a successful parent; my children are growing and are living good lives. I am a successful janitor because I can look back at my shift and know I’ve done my very best. I’m a successful stay-at-home parent because I have created a home that is safe and loving. It can look very different to each person.

I believe that my life is really starting to show the results of changing some of my choices. For me success is satisfaction, joy, peace – a feeling that my life emulates what my heart strives for. One of those pieces for me was to let go of people who did not help to build me up. It is so easy to beat myself up; to see only my ‘failures’. I don’t like that word actually. I no longer believe there is such a thing as failure; just choices. Failure is a judgement call. And we all know what judgement feels like – especially self-judgement.

Today, I am so grateful for the friends I have because they do see greatness within me. I am so grateful for my children who have been my anchor over the last few years. I am so grateful for a job that allows me to express my greatness through my gifts and abilities. No, I’m not rich. No, I’m not a CEO of a mega-corporation. No I’m not what I even thought I’d be now when I look back to what I thought was greatness in my 20’s.

What I am is at peace with myself, my Creator, my surroundings, my professional life, my family and friends. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by people who see greatness in me. What about you?


Dreamers, Greatness & Choice

God's Timing

For the last couple of years I have been in transition. Well to be correct, the transition began five years ago on July 1. But the last two years was a final farewell, officially, to my consulting business. It doesn't mean that I've given up on it or that I can't pick it up at anytime. In fact I'm consulting with a group who have a magnificent vision for a well needed community service. But I'm not charging.

When I finally let go, if you've been following from the start when I started this blog, I was then left with the letting go of my ego and asking the Provincial Government for help. At that time I thought it would be a monthly welfare cheque. But due to some on-going health issues over the years I was automatically put on Provincial Disability. Now the 'allowance' (because let's face it, it was not enough for me to live on) was small and the stresses it brought to me were deep. Last year another transition was when I finally let go of my debt load and worked a Consumer Proposal that would allow me to pay only a portion of my owings to my debtors. Yet another Ego release.

The last 19 months I was employed on-call, as well as receiving the Disability Allowance, with a local funeral firm. I will say right here, I am so very grateful for that job and the people who filled it with me. It allowed me a bit of 'wiggle room' and was actually responsible for me going the route of a Consumer Proposal rather than a second bankruptcy, which would destroy my credit for about 15 years (almost retirement). It also allowed me to grow stronger, both physically and emotionally, so that I could say with the utmost certainty that I was ready to return to full-time work.

Over these last months I have been looking for work. I had times of real disappointment as you can well imagine. Applying for work, if done properly, is a huge sales job of oneself. I couldn't sell a Band-aid to a bleeding patient! Yet I worked hard on pretty well every application. It was about integrity and allowing the Universe/God to work the necessary miracle.

My motto has been through all these months, even when in despair, I will get the most beneficial job in God's time; not a moment too soon, or a moment too late. So I've completed one week. The first day I came home with a headache the size of a 747! The second day, the same, except it was more like a small prop-plane. By day three I was feeling my stride. I love the work! It addresses my administrative abilities and qualifications. It has room for significant growth. It has a great environment. It has fantastic benefits some of which I'm already enjoying. I feel blessed. All those months of searching from the top of this province to the USA border and from East to West on Vancouver Island. I have applied for many jobs I was over qualified to do. I have applied...well...just because; because I needed to keep the energy flowing. With over 100 applications under my belt I had only gotten THREE interviews. Can you imagine?

So here I am. I am the Development Assistant at The Chemainus Theatre.

Not a moment too soon; nor a moment too late.

Integrity

It's a funny thing, integrity. Everyone has their own version. Actually that's not really 'wrong'. Like all things 'judgemental' there are different perspectives.

In the last couple of years I've had two major events that tested my integrity. The first was when my daughter and I moved from the house we were taking care of. I dragged us back and forth in the last number of days to make sure that the house was clean and tidy and that holes in the walls were repaired. My poor daughter got so fed up with me one night saying, "You and your *#!! integrity!" We hadn't even been talking about it at that moment. She and I were both exhausted from the moving. I was in considerable pain and she was concerned for me, which I appreciated. But I was determined to leave the house in excellent shape even if the relationship with the friends of the home was in shambles. The relationship was not something that I had any control over. They had made a decision to end the friendship. But the house I could leave in excellent shape, even with the list of jobs not completed.

This past week has been the second test of my integrity. As you know I am finished up my job at the funeral chapel on this Friday. I have been determined to leave on a positive and amicable note. So far it is going well. But it would be so easy to just rest on my laurels and coast through until the last day. It would be even easier to just walk!

Besides my integrity I am being this way for professional reasons as well. I want to keep a good relationship for the Celebrant work I do. And not burning my bridge can have indeterminable future impact too.

I remember I had this same attitude when I left a job a few years ago. I gave a month notice there because of my position. I spent the next weeks making sure that the transition would be easier. On the last week the Executive Director walked into my office and told me that he no longer trusted me and told me to get the #$$$@ out! I was shocked and yet not. He was not a man of integrity and that was the reason I was leaving.

It is often seen that when integrity shines a light onto the lack thereof the darkness has two choices: clean up or clear out (or in this case tell me to clear out); and I did. I said thank you for paying me for the final few days even though I wouldn't be working. He knew I would go to Labour Relations, so he relented. But he continued his madness into the next job by writing a scathing letter accusing me of all sorts. Fortunately the new employer saw through it because of the former's reputation and because he knew that if I was guilty for even a fraction of the accusations he would have fired my ass out of there long ago. Besides the new employer had actually poached me and knew me well.

Integrity! What does it mean to you? For me it's more than honest. It means my word is everything. And part of that word is the way I conduct myself both in business and privately. I have worked hard to make that so. I have sacrificed a lot to make that so. I'm not about to stop now!

I am counting down the hours, of course. I'm also a bit anticipatory about the next job. But that's normal: Feel the fear and do it anyway!

What does integrity look like to you? What does YOUR integrity look like?

Gratitude

You know, the Universe/God/Goddess, has a way of showing up just at the perfect moment. As you know I’ve been on the job hunt for several months (18+). Well, yesterday the Universe rewarded my patience and persistence with a new position (alliteration anybody). I will be working for The Chemainus Theatre Festival. I am going in as the Development Coordinator and Volunteer Coordinator. I am so grateful. It has come, as I was promised, and kept repeating, at the perfect moment; not too soon, nor too late. This position is the one that I eluded to in my post Victoria Day.

I am grateful for this kind of position as compared to some of the others I’d applied for because I think it will major on my talents and abilities. It is work that I’ve done before in other not-for-profits and charities. It also offers me a world of creativity which my soul needs to keep going.

When I chose to go it alone four years ago, I knew that my creativity, whether it was writing or otherwise, was totally stifled – other than my gardening. It then became my regular routine to journal every day. Now, I’m actually going to be trying my hand at sketching. As for my workplace, well who knows. The world is wide open in such a creative and artistic environment.

As for my Celebrant work, it continues. I will continue to offer my services for ceremonies and celebration across the life-cycle. My marriage license is in process. In order to get that moving I actually had to be re-ordained. This time instead of Captain (The Salvation Army) it is Reverend. But don’t bother calling me that because I never liked the titles in the church and still don’t see the real necessity of them. I am just one of the guys. My job is different to others in the group, but not better. So let’s forget about all the pomp and ceremony. I am working on my website and will have that up within the next month I figure. I, in fact, was introduced to a fellow today who is looking for someone to marry him and his good lady. So once again, not a moment too soon, nor too late; just perfect!

As for the future I can see myself moving into retirement and continuing to really enjoy Celebrant work as a vocation. But that’s almost 20 years away. I also hope that it will happen in Hawaii. But who knows really. It is a dream. But as with all my dreams now, they are subject to my Sacred Contracts with others in my life and the Universe in general. I may be able to look through the peep hole in the door. But there’s so much more beyond that small scope.

So here we go….



Oh yeah, if you’re interested in going to a show at the theatre. The current show is The Mouse Trap.


Gratitude

Victoria Day

As I sit on my deck today I am sure I must be toasting by now. The day is absolutely glorious with all the wonderful sounds of summer; birds chirping and tweeting their songs to one another and us, neighbours talking to each other for the first time in a list of wonderful summer days which bring us out of our nests, Gracie wondering around the deck sniffing and panting as she alternatively seeks out a comfortable spot (typical little Princess) which is also out of the sun. She loves the sun but in this heat often only  lasts a few minutes before her rich red/brown coat is just a bit too warm. It's fun to watch her because she may seem to be resting, she is ever vigilant of all the changes going on in her little world; a favoured fellow building dweller or another dog racing up and down the parking lot as his elderly, yet spry, master throws his ball back and forth getting him to fetch and bring it back for a treat. I sense that she is training the pup to be like Gracie who I trust off leash while she is on the property. Since we live on the third floor it not only provides her a bird's eye view, it keeps her in her glass tower when she would rather be down below greeting fellow quadrupeds or interesting humans.

The heat is starting to get to me so I'll be heading in soon. But the purpose of this entry has yet to be disclosed. It is to celebrate an "excellent (job) interview" according to my interviewer this past Wednesday. He has followed up the interview with contacting my references. I have been down the road of getting excited or attached to a particular application a number of times this past year or so. So even though I keep reminding myself of this I also, due to some child Archetypal energy am like a kid on Christmas morning.

This job will provide me with a number of wonderful opportunities that I can see in my limited pre-start view: Interaction and supervision of volunteers, development plans for donors, giving and events, artistic opportunities galore, administrative duties, human interaction (something I've lacked in terms of being part of a team in my present rather lonely and stranded position). It also looks as though it's something to grow into, have grow on me, and perhaps grow out of and have other opportunities to compliment and extend and challenge that growth. It is only 13-15 minutes drive from the apartment in a little town called Chemainus. It is considered an artistic centre on Vancouver Island; although that artistic grandeur has greatly depreciated in recent years due to economic setbacks in our tourism.

Chemainus was once a booming mill town. A number of years ago now, the mills all but ceased to operate tossing the town into a sad state of mass unemployment and depression. Some very wise people banded together to bring the tow back to life through tourism. They contracted the services of artists who painted wonderful, larger than life murals all over town depicting the culture and history of the area. As part of that reconstruction of what a little town could be, it is also now the home of the Chemainus Theatre Festival.

I already feel wonderfully privileged to be part of such a town, even if only through employment. I hope that in my new position (I'm already speaking as though it's mine, I know) I will not only be able to impact the place of employment, but also the place of employment on the grander scale, the town itself.

I have maintained over the last several months that the perfect fitting position would come along at only the perfect and most beneficial moment in time. I truly am hoping and feeling that this may well be that position.

In terms of the future I feel it will give me the outlet I need for my creative talents. I also can sense how it will compliment my newly acquired certification as a Life-Cycle Celebrant (website still under construction) and a healing ministry that I have felt called to for a very long time. We shall see...

Choose Wisely

A bit late. Mother’s Day has passed once again. Many of us owe our lives, who we are to someone special be it a mentor, father or mother. Although she wasn’t perfect she had a HUGE impact on who I am today. Miss you Mum (1921-1995).

Link: Tribute To Mother

Choose Wisely

Small Miracles

As I was driving to work this morning I decided to cut off the Parkway at the bottom end of Nanaimo and drive through town, even though I was running late. Usually I feel a bit more confident that I will arrive a bit earlier using the Parkway. As it turns out I was still five minutes early anyhow.

But arriving safe and sound and on time for work isn’t what this entry is about. It’s about listening to your gut (or intuition, lead, inner voice, higher self, guide, angel, whatever you’re comfortable using) and being in the moment; not the future.

Lately, as you know from my previous POSTING I haven’t been present to the moment as much as would like. I’ve been dwelling on something that hasn’t happened yet, its possible fall out, massive or tiny changes to my life and routine, both good and challenging. But this morning I followed that inner voice.

Even though I haven’t been feeling like I’m very present, I have been practicing to learn to listen to the inner voice; and even asking for direction. I’ve been doing this in a lot of ways. But today it was just about getting to work the ‘best’ way.

As I stopped at the first set of traffic lights coming into town I looked out my driver’s side window and stared at the cement and asphalt median. It is about 10 feet across at that point. I was looking at the starkness of it – but not totally present to it because I was living in the future and worrying about not getting to the office on time. Of course, my worry was a total waste of energy.

My eye caught a glimpse of a little spot of grass pushing up the asphalt. It was no more than an inch in width. But it was a few inches tall. All of a sudden I was reminded about my life and how I keep wanting that miracle to occur that will shift me forward; yet anxious about it too. I was aware that in this mass of barrenness a few blades of grass had pushed through against all odds. After all how can a few blades of grass pop up and conquer that heavy baron existence? I guess it was a miracle of sorts when I really gave it some thought.

Now realize that this all occurred in just a matter of seconds! As I look at what seems to be the flat, stark existence I seem to see for kilometres around me (basically my place in life right now) there can be miracles. Just STOP and look. They’re there. I know they are. From the glory of spring coming to life around us to how truly blessed I am. Yup I’m weary of the way things seem these days. But I have a roof over my head (including the elephants I swear live in the apartment above). I have food in my tummy. I have friends. I have what I have. I have my life.

As I typed away I was reminded that when things seem to be at their starkest look for the blades of grass pushing up through the baroness around you. It may not be the particular thing I’m waiting for. But it is there. Today stop and look for the miracles; no matter how small.


Small Miracles