Courage

Isn’t this a wonderful jewel? I used to be an A-Type personality. I used to be a rather impatient person, especially with myself, but with others too. I used to be a conqueror not an encourager. I used to try to push, push, push.

I’m not sure when it happened. But somewhere between 10 and 40 I began to be conscious of what damage I was doing to myself and others when I pushed to hard. I began to realize that you can’t push the river because the river will push back…harder…and probably win. I realized that a snail can only move at a snail’s pace. I began to realize that we all have moments, days, periods, in our lives when we are ALL turtles struggling to get off the beach into the safety of the water.

Plato was a wise man! Wow! What an insight right?! Not really. We all already knew that.

TODAY’S ASSIGNMENT: No this isn’t a push thing. It’s an observation and compassion thing. Notice someone who is doing their best to be all that they can be and encourage them. Notice someone who is judging themselves for not meeting someone else’s or their own expectations and help them to see that they can only be expected to do their best. And today’s best may well look different from yesterday’s best or tomorrow’s best. Be and encourager, not a pusher today.

 

Courage

Every Soul Is A Mirror

I’ve heard it said over and over again that relationships are about learning or that relationships are a mirror of ourselves. Over the last few years I have done a lot of study and work around relationships; the mystery of, the joy of, the reasons for, good ones, not so good ones, ‘failed’ ones, and so on.

But what I have experienced as my truth is that I learn from every relationship I have, whether that be a businesses relationship, acquaintance, friendship, intimate (even though I haven’t had one of those in a long time now), and even my children. Oh and let’s not forget animals too.

I have learned that often times we seem to be attracted to the antithesis (big word? = opposite) of what we’d expect or are. Why is this? Well they say that opposites attract. And to a certain extent that can be true. But often a quite person is attracted to a more outgoing person because they wish to experience that outgoing-ness in a safe relationship. Sometimes he may want her to draw him out so that he can be more fun.

Sometimes we are drawn to abusive types too. This used to be a conundrum for me. I think I understand it now. I can lay all kind of layers of psycho-babble to it. But simply put, we are drawn to abusive people because we often have that as a disowned self. For more on disowned selves I recommend any reading by Doctors Hall and Sidra Stone (Wikipedia Link, their website, Amazon). They have written a great deal of material around this subject and how it relates to relationships as well. Excellent Reading!

When we become aware of the various parts of our own psyche we can integrate them into ourselves and own them all. We then become more balanced and when we enter into any relationship we then can realize and see ourselves in other people and learn from that. We can also become so much more compassionate about other people and their shortcomings because we feel safe admitting that deep down we know we have shortcomings to…perhaps even the same ones.

Being a parent is the best classroom someone can ever be in, I think. I have learned so much from my kids. They have taught me patience (after many, many temper tantrums…and I don’t mean theirs). They have taught me unconditional love. They have taught me the value of discipline (I don’t mean the corporal type I mean self-discipline). They have taught me to be strong, to rely on them and others when the need be.

MY TRUTH: I hope one day to have another chance at an intimate relationship too. There is so much I want to do differently. But more than that, I hope to one day have that safe place where learning about self and someone close it wonderful and supportive and ongoing. But for now, every time I look at someone else instead of projecting myself onto them I try to see them as a mirror of my own soul.

 

Every Soul Is A Mirror

Stop The Bullying!

Everyone’s Been Bullied. Not Everyone Responds Like This 15-Year-Old Girl.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQrCti-hqu0#t=125

- See more at: http://onevoice.net.nz/#sthash.WTmgyjPD.M55ZGIJP.dpuf

Stop The Bullying!

Everyone Is Doing Their Best

I like Deepak! He has come to this time in our history for a reason. He, in my opinion, is a modern-day prophet. He has written so much, done so much to raise the consciousness of this planet. Yes there are others, many others. I’m not denying that. In fact I love many different prophets. Another prophet has said it like this: Don’t make assumptions. Can you place who it is? That’s right, Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s been many years since I started reading The Four Agreements. I read it at least once a year.

I love to sit in a mall or in a park and watch people. Don’t you? It’s fun. I sit and enjoy watching people having fun and just hanging out. I also like to create little stories about them.

O look at the lady in blue. Her hair looks like it came through a wind tunnel. That dress, barely hanging out of the bottom of her blue coat, looks like she slept in it. And look at that! Has she got puke on her back? What a mess she is!!! 

Then along comes three wonderful little bundles of joy. Triplets! They can’t be more than 5 or 6! And whose that? OMG!!!! Is that her partner??? He’s got another kid! No actually it’s a baby!

She’s a saint!!!

I sure changed my story. Mr. Judgey my daughter would call me. But we do it don’t we?

The same happens when someone says something the wrong way. We judge them. Bitch! 

And when a client doesn’t show up for an appointment. Well that’s considerate! My time is valuable!

But what we don’t know, and can’t possibly know, is what’s going on behind the face, the words, the missing person.

And even if the person is being a jerk or inconsiderate, they are only doing what they can at this point in their journey. Remember, you haven’t always been perfect you know!

MY TRUTH: It is my daily prayer that I be compassionate, understanding, caring, non-judgmental. I’m not always doing it. I’m not always even trying to do it. Forgive me for when I judge. Forgive me if I’ve judged you. Forgive me for not being as kind and compassionate as I desire to be.

 

Everyone Is Doing Their Best

Celebrate The Little Things

I love Snoopy! He is my favourite Beagle! I like the other characters just fine, but Snoopy…. He’s my hero!

I used to be a very driven, A-Type personality. I have had 2 breakdowns, maybe even three. I’ve burned out at work more often than I care to admit. I’ve caused my body to rebel and shut down. I live with pain daily, probably because of this very behaviour.

Somewhere along the way in all my driven-ness, I forgot about Snoopy. I forgot to celebrate the little things. I forgot that when the world seems to be crashing down all around me that there are still little things to celebrate. Yes there are.

Every night before I go to sleep I write in my Gratitude Journal. Some days are hard and painful to get through. But I can still be grateful. In fact I have learned that when I am grateful for everything even the rough patches, that there are more good times ahead. When I keep myself in the attitude of gratitude it gets easier.

So here’s an entry from my journal:

• I am grateful for a pillow to lay down my very sore neck.


• I am grateful for the soreness in my body. It’s trying to remind me to slow down a bit.


• I am grateful for my kids.


• I am grateful for my wee apartment.

I usually list 10 or more. And yes I even include the lousy things that happened in my day. Why? Because there’s always someone, somewhere, having it harder than me. Because I am still above ground and can actually experience my life. Now it would be foolish to be thankful for terrible events. If a child dies am I thankful? Certainly not!!! Let’s not be foolish. But in time, I may become grateful for the events surrounding that tragedy. I may have acquired new friends. I may have been able to help others through their pain because I’d been there. So yes, I can be grateful, even in the midst of pain.

Try it!

 

Celebrate The Little Things

April Fools Day-Happy Birthday Tim!

Today is April Fools Day. Did you get someone good? Did someone get you good?

21 years ago today, someone got me REALLY good. 21 years ago today my youngest child, Timothy David, was born. Time sure flies…

Although we hadn’t planned to have Tim when we did, we had plans to have another child, and hopefully a boy after having had 2 girls. Tim’s Mum had a difficult pregnancy and labour with our second child. She was told not to get pregnant for a couple of years and let her body rest.

We were in the process of moving from the ministry that we serving in Oshawa, Ontario only a few weeks after Sarah was born. It was a stressful time for many reasons. We were packing to head to Calgary for our next, and what would be our last appointment in ministry. That’s where Tim was born on April 1, 1993.

I was coming home from the church office and when I got into the house I could hear my wife crying. So I followed the sounds down to the basement. We had one of those back-split houses where there were actually four levels with about 6 or so steps between each. I was at the second to last level before the basement and asked what was wrong. “I’m pregnant!” Wail….

I slid down that last set of stairs onto my a$$ at the bottom! We were in shock. But we knew that there was a reason (and not the obvious one either-smart Alecs). This was SURPRISE #1.

We finished packing and the movers moved all our stuff. We traveled across country with a colicky baby and a toddler I remember being sick as well. On top of that Mom was starting to feel that wonderful thing called morning sickness; except for her it was usually most of the day sickness. And riding in a small car with us was not pleasant.

Well winter came and went in Calgary (thank God!) and we were busy in our appointment expecting another May baby (same month as Sarah had been). We had taken precautions that this wouldn’t be happening again. I was scheduled for a vasectomy on…you guessed it…April Fools Day. Susan went into labour the day before. Her water had broken and the Doctors were quite sure she could just manage through until the due date if she took it easy. I wasn’t having any of that and demanded that they deliver our child. So this was SURPRISE #2.

Tim was born, blonde, blue – eyed (not the steel-blue of many newborns). Both his Mom and I are brunettes with Hazel and Brown eyes, respectively. The joke was that he was the mailman’s. But the mailman was a woman!!!! This was SURPRISE #3.

Oh, and what about that vasectomy? I managed to escape the blade because of the labour! That was a relief; not a surprise so much.

Although our little blonde and blue-eyed wonder was a surprise for us, he has filled our lives with joy and wonder ever since. Today I pay honour to my son. He stands almost 6 feet tall and has the build of a football player. I’m all of 5’6″ and 150 lbs. Over the years he has been my baby, my son, even my protector. In 2012 we both cruised to Hawaii and then spent 2 ½ days there. I’ll always remember him saying, “That was one for the books.” He was and still is a wonderful companion, friend and son.

We don’t live in the same city anymore. Tim moved to Victoria last year to be closer to his girlfriend, Jacquie. They are great together. It’s hard to imagine this day 21 years ago. I held a rather messy bundle in my arms for the first time and cried. And, silly me, as I type this my eyes are all teary again. I’m proud of you my son. Bless you. Happy Birthday!

April Fools Day-Happy Birthday Tim!

Believe In Yourself

Well it’s good to be back! Life certainly can get moving so quickly that you miss out on the things your really enjoy the most. I have working at a local funeral chapel since November and for the first time in over 20 years I love getting up in the morning to go to work. Yes! Believe it or not, I do love my job! I have also been taking a course on Tuesday nights that will see me certified as a Life Cycle Celebrant. And then there’s been the regular life stuff. I also had a bit of a writing block. So I gave myself permission to take some time off.

Now I’m back. Writing is always cathartic for me. So when I ran out of juice last month I knew that cathartic or not, pushing would only undue that for me.

I like this gem. Five admonitions all in one gem:

• Believe in yourself.


• Push your limits.


• Experience life.


• Conquer your goals.


• Be happy.

The first one seems so simple. Yet we all know it can be one of the most difficult challenges in life. It’s difficult for a young person new to the workforce to believe in himself if he has a boss or supervisor who constantly criticizes, blames, breaks him down. It’s difficult for the man in a codependent relationship with an addict (no matter what the addiction) because he is caused to constantly question everything. It’s difficult to be part of life when the media, family, friends, work, religion constantly undermine who we are. But it’s not impossible. For me, it’s about shutting off the noise of criticism, whether that be external or internal (this is usually my biggest battle).

After leaving an abusive relationship a few years ago I hadn’t really seen the damage to my self-esteem. I hadn’t seen how the constant exposure to abusive behaviours had slowly chopped away at who Me is. It took months, literally, to believe in myself again. And still I battle with it every now and again.

Push your limits! Go ahead. Push! If you have a goal surpass it! If you want to walk for five minutes a day, do 7, then 9 then…. But keep in mind, you are human. Be gentle on your psyche. We are delicate creators, we humans. Yes, push. But do so wisely.

Experience life. Now this reminds me of an online conversation I had not too long ago. A reader asked me if I was so busy trying to solve life that I might be missing out on it, not enjoying it. It was a valid observation. I am a pretty intense guy at times. However I am so much better at stopping to smell the roses and smile and laugh and play now. It was a great reminder for me. Thank you.

I would like to reword number four. I don’t conquer my goals, I achieve and/or surpass them. Conquering is so competitive, so driven, so archaic. When I set goals I set out to achieve or surpass them. But what about the times when I miss the goal? Again, be gentle. Re-assess. Set a new goal. Perhaps you can still achieve and surpass the original but for now you need to do something else or just do it differently, slower, with help.

Be happy. Be happy! BE HAPPY!!!

Believe In Yourself