Teach Me, My Enemy

Teach Me, My Enemy

Practice The Presence: Practice Grabbing Hold

Carpe Diem! Seize the Moment! This was a ‘new’ saying that took hold a few years ago. Everywhere you went you saw it posted on walls, books, posters, bumper and even a few inappropriate places too. But nonetheless it was well used. But not well understood.

We get knocked about in life. That’s a fact! That’s just the way it is! We see all these people with perfect lives on the television and wonder “why can’t I have their life?” And then we are reminded that even the Superstars have pain to bear. This last year alone there have been a few deaths due to drug overdoses. And why do they overdose? On purpose? I don’t think so. They overdose by accident. They are trying to escape that lot that is theirs. And they slide down that dark tunnel alone and too deeply.

We can look at these lives and say, “But look at them! They are millionaires with mobs chasing them and people adoring them and people serving them and, and, and…” They are empty. Just like you feel at times. Just like I feel at times.

When I was younger I would often just throw my hands in the air in despair and just want to give up. I did give up on three different occasions in fact. But just when I threw my hands up, there was a hand there to pull me up.

Now in recognition of that and the gratitude I feel for the second chances I’ve been given I know that in the depths there is hope. I now can go to my quiet place. I can put my head on my pillow and say, “Tomorrow I’ll feel more rested. Tomorrow will feel different.” And if I don’t sleep or I get up feeling rotten, I just say, “Tomorrow I’ll feel more rested. Tomorrow will feel different.”

I go to my time of meditation and prayer (if you like that term) and journal. I fill the emptiness with ritual. I am kinder to myself and the Creator. I Practice The Presence: Practice Grabbing Hold.

What do I grab hold of? Sometimes just air (faith). Sometimes just a few sane words in the storm (hope). Sometimes a rest (peace). I grab hold of that hand that is always there for me.

I also, with this perspective of years, grab hold of my own strength. Faith, hope, peace, they build an inner calm; a place of strength. It’s all good and well to believe that your Higher Power will be there. But as my Mum used to say, God helps those who help themselves. She didn’t mean it in a trite or profane way. She knew that deep within all of us is the Creator, built right into our DNA. There is strength. There is fortitude.

MY TRUTH: This roller coaster ride I call my life, it’s been an interesting series of loops, bumps, drops and even stalls. But I know that deep within, when I go into my quiet place, there is the Presence. Carpe Diem!

 

 

We don’t just need to come to believe in God (Higher Power). We need to come to believe in ourselves. Let your I can’t turn into I can. Take all the time you need. Learn to enjoy the process of coming to believe you can. Accept where you are in your learning curve today (and always).

Melody Beattie,

More Language of Letting Go,  November 2

Brackets Mine

 

Practice The Presence: Practice Grabbing Hold

Safe Harbours

I really like this little jewel. Not only are the words so true, but the whole setting was beautiful I thought.

If you are into astrology, or even have fun with it like I do, you will know that our astrological signs give insight into our personalities supposedly. Well I’m a Cancerian in traditional astrology. And as one I am more emotionally and spiritually based in my living. I also do not really like a lot of change. The animal that represents Cancer is a crab. Kind of appropriate in a few ways. The emotions, yes. Although I do have much better control of them that I did as a younger person. But also when a crab feels threatened or it’s environment is suddenly changed it will retreat into its shell until it feels safe enough to come out and play again. Well for the most part that is me too. I like routine. I like sameness (although I also get bored easily, I have to admit). I like my shell (home). It is my sanctuary; and when my sanctuary is misaligned then you will see I will usually follow if not sooner than later.

But I’m also a Hare (Rabbit) in Chines Astrology. Funnily, the warm and cuddly rabbit is also emotionally and spiritually based. The Hare also like home and makes it a sanctuary.

But let’s stop there! Although I like these things, I have had more change in my life over the last 4 years than the average person sees in a decade or more. And actually when I survey my roller coaster ride over the last 40-some (memorable) years I have been in constant change a lot of the time.

There is still that side of me that loves a challenge; loves to create; loves to do a new project (creation) or several at a time. It is in my nature. So for me I can really relate to this jewel. I have been in safe harbour many times in my life. But not usually for very long. I was built for sailing (or coasting if we talk rails).

MY TRUTH: People often say that a life is a difficult or challenging life for so-and-so. But for me, I have to admit, even though I crave the safe harbour after so much change over the last few years, you just can’t keep me there for long. What a wonderful adventure life is!

Safe Harbours

Guilt

I saw this poster on my News feed on Facebook this afternoon. It came for Wayne Dyer.

Growing up I was either taught overtly or covertly that GUILT was a good thing. What?! Why?! How does it help?

Often times when we belong to a group, whether it be a church, religious group, support group, even a peer group, we are caused to activate this emotion.

Maud Purcell, LCSW, CEAP says this about it:

Guilt. Rarely has one small word been so widely misunderstood. Guilt is frequently viewed as a virtue, as a high sense of responsibility and morality. The truth, however, is that guilt is the greatest destroyer of emotional energy. It leaves you feeling immobilized in the present by something that has already occurred.

When an event occurs in our life such as abuse, it often triggers guilt. We then stuff it down, hide it, bury it, deny it. We carry this parcel on our backs adding to other times that may have triggered this and other unproductive emotions. Before you know it we are in the depths of yet another unproductive emotion – depression.

So what’s productive about guilt?

There is actually a good side to this emotion. Let’s say I just said something that was very unkind. In most normal human beings that will activate the guilt emotion. If I am truly doing all I can, being all I can, to be a compassionate person I will feel that emotion like the slap of an elastic around my wrist. I then have a choice. Either I ignore it, justifying it somehow; or I see it for what it is, an unkind word that needs to be cleaned up. Sometimes though, through peer conditioning, cultural conditioning, I can choose the second way and still carry the guilt. Why is that? Because I choose to.

I’ve said it before and I state it again, no one can make me feel anything. No one has control of my emotions or thinking. If that’s correct then there is only one person in control here – ME!

Sometimes though, I notice that even if I have dealt with the situation I still get that jab in the ribs about it. That’s not necessarily guilt though. That’s just our fantastic mind’s computer remembering they way it is supposed to so that we can avoid making that same choice again. If I leave it there, even thank my mind for the reminder, all is well.

However, if I choose to wallow in it, carry it, hold on to it than it will show up at the most in opportune time. For me, this usually results in a time of depression until I’m ready to let it go. Sometimes this has to happen repeatedly. Sometimes it’s gone as quickly as I have dealt with it.

I have found a wonderful ritual that works pretty well for me. I take the incident and write it out with all is misery and self-abuse. Then I finish up the writing with some sort of wording that helps me to let go. This could be something like, “I now release this non-beneficial energy from my mind and body,” or, “I now forgive myself for this incident and allow myself the grace to know better next time”. Whatever works at the time will be used. Then I burn the writing.

Dr. Purcell goes on to say:

Now don’t misunderstand me: Human beings need to have a conscience. According to Webster’s Third Dictionary a conscience is “the sense of right or wrong within the individual.” Without a conscience we would have no compunction about hurting one another, and the world would be less safe. When your conscience tells you that you have done something wrong, it is important to face it, make amends and learn from your mistake. Staying consumed with guilt, however, will keep you from moving forward in a positive and productive way.

Yes, we do need a conscience. But we don’t need to carry around our choices like cinder blocks on our shoulders causing us to function at lower levels. So acknowledge it, deal with and then let it go…please.

Guilt

The Long and Winding Road

I have come to realize that in life there are no wrong or foolish questions. Just the same, I am learning that there really is no right or wrong. These are purely judgement calls on events or situations that just are. Do you feel that somewhere you have made a wrong turn? Then you haven’t! Why? Because you have been brought to this moment, this place, this time. How could that be wrong? Perhaps the turn wasn’t what you expected. Perhaps it brought you or others pain. Well that’s in the past now. You are here in the right place, make a new turn.

The Long and Winding Road

Gratitude...AGAIN? Enough Already!

Enough already!

It seems that over the last month or so I keep getting this STRONG MESSAGE about gratitude. I wrote about in on December 21, 2013 in Gratitude…No Matter What!. I had already been experiencing a series of events that were trying that thinking at that point.

Then starting a few weeks ago I switched my morning reading from an E-Book by Melody Beattie called More Language of Letting Go, to reading her daily meditations on her site. Her theme the last few weeks has been gratitude. And boy have I needed it. But I have still been finding myself worrying about stuff. Mostly money of course. It seems to be the theme in many lives these days. Times are not easy for a lot of people. Changes in many lives including marital status, employment, finance, relationships, residence and more, have changed much of the way we cope.

There are those who believe this is part of the way that the Earth is shifting to the new paradigm. Some say it’s just merely the world economy. Some say it’s prophecy. I say it’s a pain in the but!! I’m tired of struggling! I’m tired of worrying of the rent is going to bounce or whether I can make the car payment. And then there’s the recent addition to my already beleaguered credit of all the moving expenses.

So I sat down to journaling. I had had a very rough night. My body was on “high pain alert”. I have been pushing very hard with all the moving. I had missed a few days of thyroid medication because I’d run out and was trying to get some blood work done for the Doctor. I have been fighting a sinus ‘thing’, including nose bleeds, for weeks now. And I’ve been spending a lot of time in the lu, if you know what I mean, over the last three days. Add to this the worry about ‘stuff’ and you have a toxic mix for the body to work with. So I missed going into work today (Wednesday) because of it all. So I woke up feeling pretty sorry for myself.

As I journaled I looked out my window at the new vista I can enjoy. I have the mountains behind Ladysmith looming pretty close now. There is a bit of snow up there the last few days. The wind is quite strong today; but so is the sun. I can see my car out the back too. Then I looked around the room and although it’s filled with unpacking I was drawn to how much ‘stuff’ I actually have; my gizmos and things. As the flow continued I thought and wrote about my kids, Michelle [who has been here weekly, packing, cleaning, moving, unpacking and now trying to help me in stuffing too much stuff into little spaces (yes I need to downsize...but why do I have to downsize my 9 Xmas trees???)], Sarah [who has been going through the mill - to put it nicely - at work as well as what I've been going through with the move, losing friends in the process, financial pressure, time constraints and health stuff too], and Tim [who wants so much to be here helping but has started a new life in a new city. And all I can want for him is the happiness that he's experiencing].

MY TRUTH: Gosh! I’m blessed! I’m truly blessed with such abundance!!!! Time to stop complaining and start counting my blessings!

Gratitude...AGAIN? Enough Already!

Practice The Presence: Practice Letting Go

We are a funny part of creation really! Don’t you think? We see ourselves as this highly evolved and intelligent part of the Creation. We still think that because the creation narrative tells us that we were the ‘bosses’ of the garden and that we had ‘charge’ over it, that we actually believe we still do! That it’s all still under or in our control.

Well, guess what? I’m here to burst your bubble! We have control over NOTHING! Shall I put that in a bigger font so that you really see it?

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF NOTHING!!!

It’s the truth! We have no real control. I mean just think about it. Can we stop the seasons from coming and going? Yes, we’ve made some significant leaps forward in health and lifespan. But we still die don’t we? The rain rains when it pleases. The tornado hits when and where it sees fit to do an earthly renovation. Jobs come; jobs go. Loves come; loves go. The car won’t start. The coffee didn’t brew. The boss through a conniption!

YOU ARE IN CONTROL    OF NOTHING!!!

Did you get it yet? Good! So no you can let it go. Go on! I dare you! I really dare you! Because when you finally get that you get nothing and have nothing and control nothing and you let it all go everything seems to flow…yes flow.

For a few years I worked for a very angry man who loved to use the expression, “You have to push the river.” Talk about a control freak! He actually believed that he could change the flow of a river. I even asked him to look at what he was saying a couple of times. I even rephrased it for him. NOPE! He never got it! And as far as I know, he still hasn’t gotten it. And he’s still really angry at the world.

It’s not easy giving up control. Those who have come from difficult childhoods, ruined families, devastated relationships all struggle with letting go and letting God. Did I just say that? Yes I did. No matter what you call your Higher Power, Spirit, Creator, Father, Abba, God, Goddess…let go and let….(you fill in the blank. And don’t you dare put your name in there!)

MY TRUTH: When I learn to let go I learn to not only practice the presence but I learn to be in the presence. I also learn to be in the present because I’m not always worrying about the future or fretting over the past. I learn to be present because there’s no other place for me to be except present to you…my work…my dog…my kids…ME.

Practice The Presence: Practice Letting Go

Never Too Late

 

I went into my favourite hangout yesterday. I had a free lunch owing to me and decided that ‘today is the day’. I was speaking with the coffee shop owner whom I’ve come to really enjoy (both her and her hubby).

We were just talking the usual weather talk when I happen to say that I’m considering going to school again, next year in Vancouver. She replied without a thought, “Boy, you’re just changing gears again.” More came out to the tune of that it seems easy for me to do so. Was she ever wrong.

She was right though, I am changing gears again. In my 33 years of being employed I’ve been:

• A men’s and boy’s clothing salesmen in a now defunct department store


• A men’s clothing and shoe salesmen


• A thrift store truck driver


• A youth pastor


• A senior pastor


• A family services worker


• A business administrator for a large charity


• A Para-funeral director


• A store manager at a health supplies store


• A computer support specialist


• A fundraiser


• A program writer for charity


• A centre administrator for a community support centre


• A fundraiser/community relations guy


• A small business owner doing fundraising, consulting, coaching, training and project management


• Writer


• A Celebrant (currently getting certified as a Life-Cycle Celebrant http://celebrantinstitute.org)


• Currently a part-time funeral director (hopefully to go into apprenticeship this fall)


• And a few other ‘careers’ I can’t remember

I am now 50 (yes fifty) years old. I have had a number of jobs and careers. And I feel like I’ve now come full circle. I spent more than ten years in ministry. And now I seem to be returning to that again. It may look a bit different as a Celebrant and Funeral Director. But I am back!

MY TRUTH: It’s never too late!

Never Too Late

A Good Cup O' Coffee!!!

How on earth have I gone from having great coffee every morning to utter CRAP!?!?

There isn’t any ‘spiritual’ lesson here this morning I’m afraid. Just voicing my frustration! I can do that – this is my blog after all! Besides, isn’t this about the roller coaster of life? Well for some reason since we moved into this new place I cannot seem to make a decent cup of coffee. So this morning I’m determined.

I woke early this morning with the idea that I’d do some writing, journaling and meditating too. And…..to have a good cup of coffee to go with it all. This is my fourth pot of coffee. Three have gone down the drain, not the hatch, this morning. I have now changed the beans, changed from tap water to filtered water and unplugged the coffee machine and reset it, because I can no longer tell if it is making it extra strong because the silly little light on the strong button no longer works. So let’s see how this one turns out. Oddly, I can do with or without coffee. Some days I don’t touch the stuff. But this morning I just want a decent cuppa!

It’s funny! I’m one of those people who will not eat or drink anything just for the sake of doing so. As I grew up I heard it all, “Better belly bust than good food wasted,” and, “Waste not, want not,” and, “Eat everything on that plate!” and the famous one that got me in huge trouble, “Just think of all those starving children in Africa!” to which I replied, “Well stick it in an envelope and mail it to them!” to which my mother replied with a quick slap upside my head!!!

Living with an alcoholic for the last decade was interesting too. I am not much of a boozer. In fact I’m a pretty cheap drunk! Two or top, three drinks and I’m done for. I don’t like the feeling of being drunk, or the after effects, so I don’t get drunk. Not that I haven’t been drunk. I just choose not to be now that I know what that feels like. When we would go out, especially, and try a bottle of wine or something new, I would simply not drink it if I didn’t like it. And no matter how much he’d had, he would drink mine too, just because I was being wasteful.

Somewhere along the line I learned that since God don’t make no junk (referring to us as humans), I don’t need to consume any either. My definition of junk varies of course, like most of us. I do enjoy chips, burgers, pizza and the like far too much. But to me at least I’m enjoying the calories. But if I don’t like the taste…nope…nada…no way Jose!

MY TRUTH: Perhaps that’s the lesson today, for me. I deserve to enjoy my food AND coffee. I may not have much in worldly possessions; or much in the bank. But I deserve the best I can have! So do you.

A Good Cup O' Coffee!!!

Not Afraid of Dying

From the article by David Mensch; reprinted from CNN.

David Menasche is the author of the forthcoming memoir, “The Priority List: A Teacher’s Final Quest to Discover Life’s Greatest Lessons” (Touchstone, January 14).

CNN — “For 16 glorious years, I taught 11th-graders at a magnet high school in Miami. For me, teaching wasn’t about making a living. It was my life.

Nothing made me happier or more content than standing in front of a classroom and sharing the works of writers such as Shakespeare, Chaucer, Jack Kerouac, Tupac Shakur and Gwendolyn Brooks and watching my students “catch” my passion for language and literature.

I loved watching these 15- and 16-year-olds grapple with their first major life decisions — future careers, relationships, where to live, which colleges to attend, what to study– at the same moment they’re learning to drive and getting their first jobs and experimenting with identity and independence.

There wasn’t a day when I didn’t feel privileged to be part of their metamorphoses and grateful for the chance to affect their lives.

My classroom was my sanctuary, so on the day before Thanksgiving in 2006 when I was diagnosed with an incurable form of brain cancer at 34 and told I had less than a year to live, I did what I always did. I went to school. I needed my students to know that I trusted them enough to share life’s most sacrosanct passage. Death.

They, in turn, helped me to live in the moment and spend whatever time I had left living well. For six years, the only time I wasn’t in class was when I was undergoing brain surgery. I never avoided the topic of my cancer, glioblastoma multiforme, with my students, but it was not something I dwelled on, nor did they.

I covered my bald, lacerated head with a woolen hat and scheduled chemotherapy around my classes, and I got so good at being sick that I could run to the bathroom, heave into the toilet, flush, brush my teeth and fly back to class in under three minutes. They pretended not to notice. During that time, I even won “Teacher of the Year” for my region. I was grateful for every breath and felt as if I could live that way forever.

Then, two summers ago, the tumor in my head decided to act up. I was playing pool with a friend when I was struck with a catastrophic seizure that left me crippled and mostly blind. After two months of physical therapy and a grim prognosis for improvement, I was forced to face that I could no longer be the teacher I once was and I tendered my resignation.

The cancer had finally succeeded in taking me out of the classroom, but I wasn’t ready to let it take me out of the game. I wasn’t afraid to die. I was afraid of living without a purpose.

To paraphrase Nietzsche, a person who has a why to live can always find a how. My “why” had always been my students. I just needed to find a new “how.” Since I no longer had a classroom for them to come to me, I decided that I would go to them.

My students had taught me the greatest lesson of all…what matters is not so much about what we learn in class, but what we feel in our hearts.

~ David Menasche

In September of 2012, I posted my plan on Facebook. I said I wanted to spend whatever time I had left visiting with former students. My purpose was to have a chance to see firsthand how my kids were faring and to witness how, if at all, I had helped shape their young lives. It was an opportunity that few people ever get, but many, and particularly teachers, would covet.

Within hours of posting, I had invitations from students in more than 50 cities across the country. In early November, I set off on my journey, traveling across America by bus, by train, just me and my red-tipped cane.

Over the next three months, I traveled more than 8,000 miles from Miami to New York, to America’s heartland and San Francisco’s Golden Gate, visiting hundreds of my former students along the way. I had hoped I would discover that I’d instilled in at least some of them a lasting love of books and literature, and a deep curiosity about the world. But what my trip taught me was something even more gratifying.

What I learned from my travels was that my students had grown up to be kind and caring people.

People who picked me up when I fell over curbs, read to me from books I could no longer see, and cut my food when I could not grasp a knife. They shared with me their deepest secrets, introduced me to their families and friends, sang to me my favorite songs and recited my favorite poetry.

As I had hoped, they recalled favorite lessons and books from class, but, to my great surprise, it was our personal time together that seemed to have meant the most to them. Those brief, intimate interludes between lessons when we shared heartaches and vulnerabilities and victories were the times my students remembered.

And it was through them I realized that those very human moments, when we connected on a deep and personal level, were what made my life feel so rich, then and now. My students had taught me the greatest lesson of all. They taught me that what matters is not so much about what we learn in class, but what we feel in our hearts.

I am a pragmatic man. I know there is no reason I should still be alive. The cancer never lets me forget that it and not I will ultimately win this battle of wills. I know the disease will have its way with me, and sooner, rather than later.

My limbs are withering and my memory is fading. Yet as my world dims from the tumor growing in my head, I see ever more clearly the gifts the promise of an early death has brought.

My travels are done, but my students are never more than a phone call or an e-mail or a Facebook message away. And from the lessons I learned on the road, I, to borrow from the great Lou Gehrig, will die feeling like the luckiest man on Earth.”

**********************************

This book is available for purchase through Amazon.com and BN.com; however, I would like very much to ‘gift’ a hardcopy of this book to the person who might share with me their motivation for living a full and fulfilling life.

What challenges do you face, and how do you maintain an attitude of gratitude?

Send your responses either to tara@taralemieux.com or post them in the comments right here.

Much love, and namaste – I can wait to hear the thoughts closest to heart.

 

 

 

 

Tara Lemieux

 

I initially found the above story on Tara’s Twitter and followed it to her Blog. http://www.mindfullymusing.com. I recommend you check out her writings. Good stuff here!

Tara Lemieux is a mindful wanderer, and faithful stargazer. Although she often appears to be listening with great care, rest assured she is most certainly‘forever lost in thought. She is an ardent explorer and lover of finding things previously undiscovered or at the very least mostly not-uncovered.

Not Afraid of Dying